Kev, I am always here luv :D. On your incline analogy, I am a JFDI person, so I would jump in and not analyze it first. the anxiety would drive me crazy and would probably be a trigger. I can't do that to myself, so I would swagger on no matter what the consequences. However, there are those out there who cannot do that, who you are inspiring every day. One step a time Kev, no one is giving up here, make sure it is not you. Sue [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/3/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 218 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,180 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $381.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 20 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

Hi Sue, Nice to see you. I guess all this negative stuff just doesn't sit well with me. I'm very concious of newbies reading this (well actually anyone) and thinking 'If this is what quitting holds for me, I don't want to quit'. Quitting stories should be about good journeys to a great new life, not about someone who quits and then can't handle the simplest of things. Of course, the problem lies in that I am addicted to the SSC too now and can't really stay away from my friends long without going down the spiral even further. I just have to concentrate on avoiding writing the negativity. The funny thing is Pen and Lizzie, just gave me the key to come back and here I am going through that loop again. This is the problem when I lose direction or I get too many opposite thoughts in my head. Imagine it a bit like me saying 'Sue, tomorrow, you're going to climb K2' you might be pretty daunted by that but if I said 'Sue, in the next 15 minutes were going to take a casual stroll up that slight incline' then you may not worry too much about it. That is what I am attempting to do with my plan. To break it down bit by bit. I am going to do it interactively. here of course. By the end of the day I will come with and post a list of positives somehow. Then I can add to the list. Whether I can write a positive list whilst in a negative frame of mind remains to be seen. That is real step one. Unwittingly, you just added something that I forget about as it is second nature. 'Although Kevin lacks any self worth (couldn't care whether he lives or dies) he does care about others and is very much focused on helping them achieve their goals (in this case long term quitting)'. I think that is a positive right? I love seeing people who are unsure about themselves, make it through a day not smoking no matter what advice they take. Within 20 mins of their last ciggie their circulation is improving. I'll never abandon anyone here for absolute sure and whatever happens I will always keep you posted. You're looking at someone who spends all day with a computer and then goes home and immediately signs on to see how his friends here and at the other place are doing. Right so to the plan. By 10pm today (GMT) I hope to put a positive list down here with more than one thing on it and then take advice on the ones I missed and add them as I go along. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 148 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,700 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �621.60 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Kev dahlin, where are you going? I don't see any compliants about your posts, I don't see anyone calling it a negative diatribe but you, all I see is your friends trying to help you see that you have already quit, that you are doing it and trying to help you celebrate your quit. These people, as I do, truly care about you. So why on earth would you say you are going to stop posting, go away, etc...? You might be helping people Kev, I bet there are 10 people reading your diaries and I bet you are helping them. Not every one has it easy Kev. Do NOT give up on yourself Kev, as I am certainly not. okay mate? All is well, just keep walking down this road with us and we get to the end at one time or another and be much happier and healthier as a result. xo Sue [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/3/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 217 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,170 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $379.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 20 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59

Hi guys, Thanks for the replies. Yes I need to stop the mental downward spiral, take some time out and work again on just the absolute basics. I need to focus on positives (good call Brenna) of why I quit and If I cannot find any ...list the positives of what quitting for 147 days has done health wise, money wise etc. I know there are positives in that area. I'll need to work on the malignent negatives too. These are what create my suckish attitude to myself and to quitting. A rotten root system means the tree falls over. I need to work on those roots and I have known for a very long time. Quitting has made me realise that and made me willing to do something about it. Thats a good thing. I may not be saying much for a while, but I will be working hard on it in the background. Hopefully I will be able to come here with questions and thoughts. I know I stand more chance of getting logical answers to beating that negativity towards quitting with help from you my great friends (of whom I will be eternally grateful for). It also means I will be saving everyone from the negative diatribe I have been coming out with recently. Except of course the stats pages etc, but you all know that I will be thinking of you and wishing you on from the sidelines. Hopefully in a couple of months, I will come back here with a complete attitude readjustment, ready to continue on smokefree. Anyway for now, it is a warm bath and a nice cup of tea. Always helps for a good start. Big HUGS from Kev p.s. Gen, ironing sounds theraputic. I might get some lessons after all. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 147 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,675 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �617.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59

I have another analogy for you. What about this... It's like owning a gun and really enjoying the rush you get from playing russian roulette. But, you decide you don't want to risk actually blowing your head off so you decide to stop playing. The option to play is still there everyday day but you've made the choice because you really don't want to suffer the consequences that come along with playing the game. Not as glamorous as the ferrari analogy... Have a great day, Kev! I promise not to smoke today! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 103 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,090 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $602.55 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 29

I like ironing. I find it theraputic. Put some cr*p thing on the tele and off you go. Into another world of control, folding, neatness and order........... Well, maybe that's just me. Gen [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/28/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 253 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,048 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �1,265.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 33 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 32

"147! Its just me seeing how far I can get before I succumb really though." Really, Kev? Sorry, buddy, but this attitude is what perpetuates your struggle. Change the attitude and you will change your life. :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 103 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,090 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $602.55 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9

Happy YAY day lil live wire, Advice just plan on staying quit and focus forward, one of these days down the road your gonna think back and say WOW I made it, and it will be all worth the fight. and above all keep up the fun Posting :) Tresa :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/8/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1946 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 38,920 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $6,811.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 274 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46

JDK, Thanks for all of your analogies this morning. Don't wait for your dooms day, instead think of how far you have come and all of the great parts of your new life as an ex-smoker. Remember why you quit smoking 147 days ago. What motivated you then to change such a huge part of your life? Make this quit for you! (and think of the role model you are being for baby Grace too :)). Brenna, Bilingual Support Specialist

Hi Bear, You've always given me good advice! I guess you can only get that from experience or maybe a game of golf with zen bhuddist monks. :) Once this confusion lifts I will give a go at understanding what is going on and can make a bit more sense. I am lucky I don't scare bears away. (aka thanks for writing to me). I'll start concentrating more on the basics of keeping myself smoke free and see how it goes. ttfn Kev [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/12/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 147 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,675 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �617.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 25 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17