I have been Nicotine free for a week now, and a few days ago (Day 3 and 4 Nic Free) I was having a really difficult time. The Junkie was insistent. That little fluttering in your stomach, that gets stronger and stronger. Then it moves to your chest, making it slightly hard to breathe. Then it seems like it moves to your head, and you just can't think straight - thoughts are twirling around in there..out of control.
But
A moment of sanity allowed me to say "Get out your REASONS". I sat myself down, and retrieved my papers that I always carry with me. The first read didn't really sink in. It was like the Junkie was reading it, and then said "What a bunch of BS". But then I read it again, and I realized that I was in control. That if I was to get through this moment smoke-free I needed to commit again. Do you want to be a slave? or do you want to be free?. FREEDOM is what I want and I will not smoke. Funny, how for me, just saying those 4 little words..."I will not smoke" seems to be so effective at shutting the Junkie up.
I say 'so that is what a craving feels like' because when I was on the patch, I really never had cravings as such. Yes, lots of thoughts, but still very brief. If it hadn't been that I've had a bit of practice at this quitting thing, I might have caved then...it was so uncomfortable. But I know too much now. That uncomfortableness is temporary, and so very necessary. But letting the junkie have any room in our thoughts is very dangerous, so I must always be watchful.
An now I know what it feels like, so I can stop, recognize it, deal with it, and move on. I am saddened that I have these moments, like I am weak, but I must remember that it is part of the addiction and that I will overcome them - I am stronger than them. That feels so very, very good.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/13/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 38
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 760
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $437.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
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Quit Meter
$331,870.95
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 6053
Hours: 13
Minutes: 59
Seconds: 9
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45618
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
684,270
Cigarettes Not Smoked