One thing at a time, one moment at a time, one day at a time. You mentioned feeling suicidal in one of your posts. Alcohol is a depressant. Not a wise choice to drink. Yes the 1st couple of drinks will make u think you feel better but before you know it you're crying or hurting or throwing up or laying on your bed with the room spinning or waking up to someone that u don't even remember their name, or going to the doctor to get a shot b/c u caught an std, or not remembering where u left your car, or waking up feeling like Shi% with your head banging and stomach upset and no energy. Why the heck quit smoking if you're still going to keep hurting yourself by drinking? But then I quit drinking for 11 yrs and still kept hurting myself by smoking. In other words recovery is a life-long process. It's all about living and learning until we die. And we are all on an equal playing field but our choices do determine the outcome. No one can or think that it's ok for them to judge another person. All I know is that I hated that lonely feeling, that feeling like "here I am all alone in this world & if I decide to kill myself nobody will probably even miss me or realize that I'm gone for awhile". I hated feeling all alone in this big world! Drinking is the absolute worst choice when you're feeling suicidal because alcohol "is a drug" and it is a depressant. Smoking won't screw up your judgement and make u drink but drinking WILL screw up your judgement and DECREASE your odds of remaining smoke-free.
Ok, now forget everything you just read and close your eyes and take a deeeeep breath in and let it out slow. Now just do your best to stay in the moment. Don't worry about the past or what may come tonight or tomorrow or the next day, month or year. Just feel yourself right here, right now and allow yourself to really feel whatever it is that you're feeling. You have a right to your feelings and the way you feel does matter. And people do care about you. You just have,,,well we all just have to learn to care more about ourselves and realize that we are all precious. I'll bet as you're reading this, someone is thinking about you and hoping that you're happy and having a blessed day :) What I've learned is that there are people who loved me but I couldn't see it b/c I didn't love myself. Only I can change myself. And once you start doing the work to change yourself then and only then will your surroundings and other people change. Because you will be looking at the world through differen't eye's & you won't feel lonely or need to smoke or drink to escape from the reality of how you're seeing things today. It's a long road but you have taken a big step in the right direction. Knowledge is power. I hope if you're not already that you will find a counselor to help you to start this process. We all need help. This site is absolutly fantastic but nobody here can litterally reach out and hug you and sometimes we all need a real hug. Counseling has helped me to grow up emotionally & find some balance in my life :) Just like you go to a mechanic when you don't know how to fix something on your car, you go to a counselor when you don't know how to change.
I'm so glad you didn't smoke at the pub. Too bad you drank so much that you got a hang-over. I remember them well, they suck big time. But that was your choice. Actions and consequences. If you change your actions your consequences change also. The more positive the action/choice the better the consequences. You could have done a number of things besides go to the pub and get drunk and be around all that smoke :) Going to a good movie and eatting buttery popcorn comes to my mind, lol. And then waking up after a good nights sleep feeling refreshed and energized instead of feeling like the walking dead, lol. Geez I'm so glad I haven't had a hang-over in so many yrs. but they were so bad I can remember them like yesterday :O UGH! Anyhow we all go through whatever we have to go through to get where we are today. I don't regret my past b/c I wouldn't be who I am today if not for my past & I do like and love myself more today than I ever have. I know I'm not alone in this big world by myself anymore :)
People don't PLAN TO FAIL, THEY FAIL TO PLAN. Make good choices and remember u deserve to be happy. We all do. No one person on this earth is better than another person.
I was just going to say good 4u for being smoke-free but my fingers just got going and I couldn't stop them :O :) :)
(((((((cyber hug)))))))
Just breathe.......
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/7/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 16
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 320
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $76.80
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 57 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3
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Quit Meter
$28,014.00
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 612
Hours: 23
Minutes: 20
Seconds: 56
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
4669
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
93,380
Cigarettes Not Smoked