Yes Princess, I have too. I'm not sure how to describe my thoughts, it's odd. I've read some describe it as remorse. That (smoking) was a large part of my former existence and there's no denying it. There's also the chemical imbalance brought about by the quit. There are many new thoughts and feelings that I'm sure are not new, I'm experiencing things in new ways. It's like I'm getting to know my life. Most of it works very well for me but my tolerances have changed in that I'm less tolerant in some ways. Smoking really blinded me to many things especially emotionally. It took the edge off and pacified things that really shouldn't pacify. Like you I can't imagine smoking again. The more I get to know this new life the more I like it. I guess it's natural to grieve but I can't picture not smoking as a loss in any way. That's like saying I've lost my cold. I've matured and set aside childish things. They were not "friends" by any stretch of imagination. They were jailors, undertakers and lawyers (no offense intended, just painting a picture). It's time to start healing emotionally. Let the remorse turn to anger then onto understanding and closure. There's a world of new experiences out there to be had smoke free. So who are you? I know this much, 91 days ago you were a different person and you're not the same smoker you were 92 days ago. I wish you all the best and continued success. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 101 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,020 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $424.20 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 16 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

Lamplighter, Very well said. This is exactly what I have been feeling since about day 60 or so. I am a smoker who is faking it until I make it. It is an adjustment which isn't always easy, but getting easier with each rediscovered non-smoking experience. Nance [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]2/14/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 130 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,900 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $630.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 42

Princess, I recently posted the same topic. Some people can relate, some cannot. Some have such understanding. Lamplighter and Danielle seem to. I do too. We are "steppin' out". Catapulted into a world of exploration...of yourself and your world. Frightening I know, but exciting too! Step where? I dunno, just step :p Audrey [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/16/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 159 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,180 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $445.20 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 15 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 24 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Princess, Oh how I do know the feeling, at times it feels like there is someone else insif=de my body screaming to get out but I don't know who it is, and at times very hard to deal with. a daily fight, sure makes me tired at times, Lamplighter your post was wonderful, thanks, hugs and prayers, Bobbi [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/27/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,670 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $222.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57

Princess, one of the first things I realized, when I decided to quit smoking, was that it was very much about "identity"; that one of the biggest hurdles to overcome was to make peace with a nonsmoking identity. I smoked for 35 years. That's a very long time to see myself in certain terms, only to change those terms so late in the game. And that's what I'm now doing. I'm 109 days into reconfiguring my identity... and making myself believe that this new identity is real... not just an experiment or a break from "reality"... or what has come to represent reality for me over many years. There's still that voice in my head that says, "Who are you trying to kid? You know who you are? How long do you think you can carry on this charade?" Often enough I still experience disorientation, awkwardness and frustration, because one core charactoristic of the person I've come to recognise as "myself"... is gone. And at times... I feel displaced by someone I really don't know. But it's really no different than what someone might go through who has sufferred from some physical abnormality... blindness, paralysis, etc. If your leg has been paralyzed for 35 years... and suddenly that paralysis is gone... even though you realize what a good thing that is, it's still going to be tough adjusting your identity and your references... your approach to living, to your new reality. Quitting smoking is a wonderful thing. Life without cigarettes is wonderful. But... sometimes the frustration of having to adapt to it makes it seem like it's anything but wonderful. That's the power of addiction. Whether it's heroin, booze or cigs... that's the power of addiction. That's the thing that can keep you trapped forever. It takes time. We can't put any conditions on this. We smoked for many years, and it's going to take time before we're as comfortable being non-smokers as we were being smokers. Right now... many of us are "faking it til we make it". We're telling ourselves the truth... that we were never meant to smoke, we were never meant to live that way (if we can call that 'living')... but we fostered the illusion, for many years, that smoking was central to our experience of life... and that it was OK. That's a hard illusion to overcome. But we will. You will. I promise. Give it the time it takes, and in the meantime... you're making progress. Change is happening, little by little. Enjoy your life, smokefree. Insist on it, and act on it. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 109 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,725 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,008.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36

Hi princess, I know that I used smoking to hide my emotions. If I got angry, I did not discuss the issues with the person, I went outside and smoked. If I was at a party, i would isolate myself so I could smoke. Therefore, I would not spend much time really talking with people, getting to know them and letting them get to know me. I was always leaving situations or maybe not even participating, so I could go smoke. Now, we can experience life without always having that "urge" to separate ourselves so we could smoke. Nicotine numbs your emotions. It overtly controlled our actions in many situations. I feel exactly the same way as you sometimes. I think that we will be just fine...new and improved! Congratulations on 3 months smoke free. new me [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/26/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 28 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 672 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $140.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 32

Hi Princess, I admire you for being 89 days smoke free... especially since it looks like you may have tried a few times and kept hopping back on board anyway. That's great! And you're still here sharing. I hope you tuck yourself in tonight, knowing that you really do have true friends. We don't come wrapped in packs, and scream for you to come and pick us up at convenience stores at all hours of the night, but we are smiling in anticipation of your 90th day:) Sweet dreams, mk ;) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]6/11/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 11 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 165 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $38.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40

Shucks! I posted you're 90 days a days early! Congrats anyway! It sounds like you are feeling the blues Princess! Have you tried Vitamin B complex - it really helps! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 109 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,725 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,149.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24

Princess, You are not alone! Many quitters struggle with this issue and will be along shortly to weigh in. Here's the thing, you never were your true self. That's a big lie. You were just a self that's more familiar to you. In truth, you've always been a version of your true self mixed with an addiction. You've kept your emotions in check with cigarettes, distracted yourself with it, coped with it, finished tasks with it... Think of how much time and energy revolved around your addiction. That time is over now. You are changing the way you deal and do everything and it no doubt it can feel overwhelming. The only solution is to keep taking it one day at a time. If you're truly frustrated with feeling a little lost then start giving some thought as to who you want to be. Just grab a piece of paper and start brainstorming. Although it can be scary to change, it can also be exhilarating! You've wiped the slate clean, what will you put on it? Keep persevering and celebrate those 90 days! You deserve it for having worked so hard! Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

tomorrow i will be 90 days smoke free, but ive noticed in the past few days i cant seem to figure out who i am, what i want and where i am. its as though ive lost my idenity. i feel as though im not a whole person since i let my "friend" go to the way side. i know deep down inside i wont go back to smoking because i cant. my health wont allow it. i want to be me again and i cant seem to figure out what to do? if anyone here has gone thru this or something like it please let me in on whats going on. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/25/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 89 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,780 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $289.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 12 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9