Slayfaith,
Your post made me cry for you.
I am so truly sorry about you losing your beloved pet. I wish there were words that could comfort you. I have a dog that i've raised since he was 4 weeks old and he's almost like one of my children. I dont know how i'd be able to stand it if something were to happen to him. It's natural to go through a grieving process so it's understandable that you feel like you do. I know it's not much comfort to you, but the only advice i can think of is to look at it this way - at least the poor old guy is not having to suffer anymore. You were able to enjoy many years with him and he brought you alot of happiness and i'm sure you did the same for him. Again, i'm so sorry.