I've been avoiding this topic because I just didn't want to think about weight gain in the middle of "battle" so to speak. Now I have to. I can no longer fit into any of my clothes and went from an XS to an XL in the matter of a few months. I had already put in a little before I quit, now I'm a behemouth. I'm embarassed to see anyone who hasn't seen me in a long time.
My supportive husband in the quit, is a betrayer and ruiner when it comes to food. He brings home the best kinds of goodies. Here it is, I don't have to eat the goodies. I can easily pass. When I do, it hurts his feelings, terribly. He points out to me that he was thinking of me, went out of his way to get these little delicacies and I won't touch them. He tells me that gaining weight is all in my head and I'm just as thin as I ever was. So, to make him happy, I indulge. This wounds me to the core. We have the battle of hurt feelings going on over food that we didn't have over cigs.
Here's the big problem and perhaps some of you can relate. I grew up very heavy. My mother was very heavy and, even though I was over 200 pounds, she kept telling me how thin I was. I'd argue with her. How can I be thin if I take a size 22? How can I be thin when the scale says 210? Oh well, the clothes are mis sized, the scale is broken. Eventually I just considered her a liar and lost respect for her because of her continual lies to me. I am beginning to have the same feelings when my husband tells me how thin I am. I get annoyed and tell him to be truthful and help me! Stop (1) bringing home bakers and (2) stop getting hurt feelings when I want to pass. Sometimes, I'll cook dinner, for him, and want a diet tv dinner for myself. That's a family feud! Why don't you want to eat with me? Is there something wrong? No. honey, I don't want hamburger and mashed potatoes! Can't I have a salad without WWIII starting? Evidently not.
I've venting here because I'm still dealing with lingering cravings, and because I'm having such a struggle with weight that I never had before I got married and was in total control of my own eating habits.
