Anna,
I just wanted to let you know that I so related to this post. In fact, I was thinking about it in the car today, and it really did help to give me perspective, when I used this train of thought to create an analogy from my own life history.
About nine years ago, I got into a serious relationship with a guy who was charming and charismatic, had a killer smile, and a hot bod. He was fun and he got along great with my children � he seemed so perfect. After a few months, though, I began to realize that he was not without flaws. He had some serious mental and emotional issues and though he was never physically abusive, he was threatening, controlling, manipulative, and frightening.
Because he was in therapy for his issues, I tried standing by him, but as the situation became more and more difficult, I started to realize just how unhealthy the relationship was for me � and for my children. His dramatic over-the-top angry outbursts were turning our lives upside down and though I was deeply in love with the man, I eventually had to cut him out of our lives.
In the weeks after I broke up with him, I missed him. I missed his companionship and his humor, but I knew I had to stay away from him. He was not the kind of guy that I could stay friends with � if he were in my life in ANY capacity, he�d turn it into chaos. No, I could not give him an inch, no matter how much I missed him.
This had been such a difficult experience that I didn�t really want to see anyone else, so I didn�t date at all for about six months after we broke up. I missed the physical closeness we�d shared and hey, I�m human, so there were times that I had thoughts of calling him just for that. But I pushed those thoughts away! No way would I succumb to THAT particular craving � the fallout from it would be disastrous. He�d be back in our lives in a heartbeat and we�d be right back in the middle of his angry, messed-up, unhealthy world again. No thank you!
Okay, I know this was really long, but ya see the analogies?!
- Cigarettes are threatening, controlling, manipulative, and frightening. AND they are physically abusive.
- I can never go back to having cigarettes in my life in any capacity.
- I know if I did, we (my whole family) would be right back in the