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The Patchwork Quilt of Addiction

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Health Educators or Moderators missing?

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penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Was a tough weekend with the Blah's and the Anger/frustration levels at a high level. Was just looking back through these posts to see if I had made it farther than in my last attempt. Last time I caved on Day 11. Today is Day 13. The last 2 days have been tough. What the heck is up with day 11 & 12 for me. Anyway, past it, and feeling much less Blah today. Told myself to get moving, get smiling and stay quit (the easy part is the quitting). I'm all gassed up (literally) and revving my engines!!!! Imallclear, you still riding shotgun with me? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 12 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 251 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $138 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

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    45874

    Smoke Free Days

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    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
January 8th, that is my quit day. With each passing day into this relapse, I have a little less control. It is starting to scare me, as the Junkie gets a firmer and firmer hold. %*$(!!!. But I know there is no point to even attempt before then. There is a back door open. I will close it very firmly on the 7th and step through the front on the 8th. I stay close to this site, knowing that as long as I take a firm hold of the support offered here and never let go, I will make it. I know I can quit. I have done it before. I want the freedom!!!! I want it for everyone! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/8/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

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    45874

    Smoke Free Days

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    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I wrote this post this morning as I sat in self disgust at having once again thrown away another day by refusing to commit to the right choice! [center]NICOTINE ADDICTION!!!![/center] Just one is all it takes to become or continue to be enslaved in a life of dependency on cigarettes! DAILY - You can never get away! You smoke one and then another, and another, and another! You feel you cannot stop - that you are powerless. You are controlled by it! It robs you of self-esteem. When you smoke, you will hate yourself. Self-loathing and self disgust is a terrible feeling. It will trick you - telling you: "It's OK - It's just one." TOO LATE - you are already hooked. You fell for the CON JOB - AGAIN! It will try to justify itself as being the right choice at every opportunity. It invades your soul until all you can think about is how and when you will get your next fix. You will feel you have no choice. That any other choice you wish to make in your life is worthless...that [u]nothing[/u] else is more important - except IT!!! It will overwhelm you with it's power. As you take that first puff, a little voice says "[size=1]Ahhh...[/size]". Then you say: "No....why am I doing this?" The little voice isn't finished though. It was saying: "Ahhh....Haaaa....GOTCHA! HAVE ANOTHER!" You are now a smoker. This is what you have to look forward to, should you choose to smoke. [center]IT IS IRRATIONAL THINKING!!!![/center] Whatever your addicted mind is saying to you is a lie! NOT TO BE BELIEVED! The truth is in your heart - not in your mind. (It will trick you with that line too - that in your heart you want to smoke - LIE) The TRUTH is: Nicotine and the thousands of other chemicals in tobacco is POISON! It will rob you of your health, wealth, courage, confidence, and self worth. To smoke guarantees you a life robbed of joy and happiness!!! [center]Am I a nicotine processing machine???[/center] [center]OR[/center] [center]A rational thinking human being who wants:[/center] HEALTH ENERGY MONEY SELF CONFIDENCE PEACE OF MIND COURAGE SELF-ESTEEM SELF-RESPECT TRANQUILITY FREEDOM This is my remember letter, for those times when I may forget what my real choice is. [B]My Milage:[/B]

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

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    45874

    Smoke Free Days

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    688,110

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penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
What I haven't done in the past is respond to responses. Figure it's about time to say Thanks: imallclear - You're right! I am often silent. I often don't know what to say without coming across as abrasive. I'm working on that. Thanks for looking in. Lady - you are my light. I said I would fly and I will. This time no landing with a THUD. I am worth it!!!! RD Man - thinking of you. Phil - I thought you were scared of Penguins. I'm staying home in Canada where it's not so warm, but my igloo is heated. fish - appreciate that you have always watched out for me. Read all the links you sent and thanks - very inspirational. Not trying - I'm doin. If I'm looking anyone in the eye, it's a junkie and I know she's lying BIG TIME. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

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    45874

    Smoke Free Days

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    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It is funny how I have struggled so much, until the other day when I realized just what this is all about. 1. Addiction & slavery 2. Poison Everytime I even have a thought I say: "Want some arsenic?" Ah NO!!!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 31 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Day 5 and I just had my first, yes first "Better have a smoke" thought. Had to sit down to fix one of my little boys radio controlled cars, and thought I needed one to a)concentrate, b) get the job done. WHAT!!!! The cigarette never did any of that before, I DID. Lies, all lies. You know what else. In 5 days, I have only had 2 craves. The power of thought control. I'm lovin it!!!!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 94 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $46 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
There is something to be said for the truth knockin you over the head and saying WAKE UP!!!!! Seems that has happened. I'm seeing things very clearly. No clouds in the way, and no mountains or even hills. Too sure of myself - No. (And shut up Nic, cause I know that's you trying to knock me down.) Yes. I have confidence. What I feel. NO DOUBT!!! This is for me. NOT SMOKING and feeling free. Who woulda thought a big change in perspective could bring such results. I feel peace! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/10/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 69 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $34.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Mr. Ed. Have had a few ups and downs since that first quit date. Better change my date to Nov 26. Us slippers keep you record keepers on their toes. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 150 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $80.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 30 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
ONE WEEK!!! I MADE IT. This week has been fairly easy going for me. I would not allow smoking to consume my thoughts and they haven't. The Junkie will take any opportunity though to sneak in there and before you know it, you're hijacked.....I need to beware! You know how geese fly in V formation, and every once in awhile, the front flier will get replaced. That's what the Junkie does it. He sneaks up from behind, bop's you on the head and goes in front. I say, GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE!!!!! And I keep flying. At least that's how it is in my dream, because I'm not actually flying yet - staying close where I feel safe. One to week 2 - may just day 8. Don't want to get too far ahead of myself. I don't do well at future outlook's. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 148 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $80.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

penguin
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penguin
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18 years ago 0 1306 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Morning I did get on the treadmill last night for 30 minutes and some gentle stretching. So I have started! Didn't help with the sleeping though. I didn't have the trouble breathing until just before I got out of bed, but by that time I had myself pretty worked up from spending the last 5 hours in my head. So I didn't wake up with the greatest outlook. Junkie was talking more than me. "This is not worth it" "It's only 10 days" "Give it up" "You can do it again someother time"......................... What a difference a day makes. I'm sure yesterday I posted, it wasn't all that bad, and today I'm considering smoking. Arghh. I went to drop my son off at daycare and the thought was there, fortunately the trigger has waned and drove right by the store before I went "Hey" So I went through My Reasons, and what it would feel like to smoke - bad. I told myself that I had to find some way to get through the next 5 minutes. Then I said "Oh, by the way, you don't smoke. This is why your here - to quit. Got to figure out the way." So I am here - figuring out the way - distraction. I have a pile of distractions on the list for today. It almost feels like I build that wall myself sometimes - I believe someone mentioned self-sabatoging - I'm the queen at that. Here we go - step, by step. Trying to be in control today. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 9 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 188 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $103.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35

  • Quit Meter

    $333,733.35

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6165 Hours: 9

    Minutes: 0 Seconds: 48

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45874

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    688,110

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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