Hi! I described my rapid thinking and inability to "move" on a decision or LIFE today as my Bananna Theory. There is a black and yellow bananna in the road and it simply is over ripe and run over and over and over and I think, that used to be a bananna and walk around it. (The idea, decision et al). If I could just take that beautiful bananna, peal it slowly, relish the color, texture and consume it...all would be right. Does ANYONE get this?! Thanks!

Jen, YAY!! I'm so glad you are feeling better. Setbacks su*k. I'm having a little one of my own right now. Things have been going really well for me lately I even went to court on Monday to fight a speeding ticket. Which went quite well, no points and lowered my fine! I would have never done this in a million years before I would have been way to nervous and fearful of panicing. But anyways my stupid sister in law who hasn't been a part of my families lives in 4 years has decided she wants to come back around and make my life a living hell. She doesn't like me (despises me actually) and no matter how nice I am to her she loves to taunt me and make smart comments. Apparently she thinks she's prettier more intelligent and just basically better then me at everything. I did stand up to her a little bit this time and told her I don't mind her having a relationship with her brother( my husband) but could she please refrain from constantly bashing me. If it would make things easier I'll pretend she doesn't exist and maybe she could give me the same courtesy. Oh boy do I have hell to pay now!!! Well it seems everyone is forbidden to ever stand up to her and if you do she will make you suffer. Most of her family coddles her because they say she is bipolar and can't control herself. Of course my panic and anxiety is not that important to them and if I go off the deep end that's ok. So now my anxiety is back and I've been having really bad chest pains and diahrrea. If anyone is familiar with bipolar and can give me some tips on how to deal with someone who has it I would really appreciate it. I just keep praying that God will get me through this one and teach me to be more understanding and sympatheic.

Hi everyone. Just thought I'd let everyone know that i'm doing quite a bit better. I cried all day Fri, Sat and part of Sun but I feel ok. My doc upped my effexor 37.5mg so I'm up to 112.5mg per day. I am seeing some improvement. I took my first dose on Friday night and I was very very jittery and anxious until Sunday afternoon. This is what happened when I first started the effexor so i'm thinking it was normal. Today I had to go to work in the afternoon. This was my longest shift since my "breakdown" on Friday and I was pretty anxious. My biggest fear about my panic attacks is that I'm either going to lose my mind or faint. Logically, I know that those two things are impossible but its like a little obsession of mine.... blah blah blah SO i learned first-hand that the latter of my fears isn't so awful. As I mentioned before, I went to get my blood sugar tested and my thyroid. I wasn't allowed to eat for 12 hours before the test. Before I tell my story... lol........ I must say, I'm not afraid of needles and have had numerous blood tests in the last few years. Anyway, I was sitting in the chair, watching as the lab tech put the needle into my arm (in fact, I showed her what was the best vein) hehehe. She took two vials, no problem. After she let the cuff down and removed the needle, i started to feel really hot (not in the dirty sense, lol, in the "wow its a heat-wave sense". I thought it was just because I was wearing my wool sweater but then i started to sweat really heavily and some really interesting black dots appeared, also the swirly things too........ So to make a long story short.......... heheh I dropped my blood pressure so low I had to lay down and drink juice until my face got some color back. Apparently I turned from white to green to white and back.... So kids, fainting isn't really that bad because you get free juice :) :) And work went well today too! I thought if I could get through a fainting episode in one piece, I could go and cook for four hours at the restraunt. :) Jen

Jen, I am so happy for you!! I think you had a breakthrough of some kind. I know my panic represents issues that I have never resolved. Those of us who suffer from this always want to be in control and confessing how we feel makes us feel as if we are losing control. Talking to your dad and letting all of your pent up emotions out will definately make you feel better. Keep on letting everything out don't hold anything in, and you will continue to get better. Someone on this site recommended a book about highly sensitive people. I'm reading it now and people like us who are suffering from this disorder are usually highly sensitive, but we are a minority in this world and our high sensitivity is looked upon as a sign of weakness. But you know what? It's actually a wonderful trait to have, we are more caring, compassionate, loving and we are the peace makers in this world. So who cares what those non highly sensitive people think. Be who you are and if you feeling like crying that means your body needs that release, so do it, if you feeling like screaming do that to, whatever makes you feel better. Treat yourself with alot of kindness and understanding, treat yourself the way parents treat a newborn baby and you will begin to see a difference in how you feel.

Hi everyone and thank you for the responses. :) I think today may be a turning point for me. Since my parents split up in Sept 2002, I never cried or really talked to my dad about how I was feeling (mom's are really sometimes better for that stuff) I cried ALL DAY LONG! I didn't go to work because I was at the doctor and then I went to my dad's for dinner. While I was at dad's, i experienced yet another panic attack. It was the worst I've ever had in the last few years. This time I seriously thought I was going crazy and was going to end up in the pysch ward at the hospital. I was drenched in sweat, my hands shaking and a feeling of doom so intense I didn't know what to do with myself. I held in my emotions for so long that at 9:30 (my attack started around 8:00) I broke down. I was crying and shaking, begging my dad to help me. I think it was the best thing that could have happened. We sat on his kitchen floor for an hour and just talked. He dove into the story of when he was younger dealing with his panic disorder in silence. He knew every since symptom I described as his own and could offer some advice. I cried the entire time. I know it sounds weird, but I was actually scared that I was so out of control inside. I haven't cried like that in ages. And this went on all day. I was physically sobbing this morning......... Finally though, my dad made me realize that letting all the tears out would help me in the long run. I think he was right. After 14 hours of off and on crying, I feel better. I'm exhausted :) but feel that some weight has been taken off my shoulders. I also realized that I didn't die from this attack(s) even though I felt like dying. I was petrified to come home tonight to an empty house. My mom wasn't due back for at least an hour and I would be by myself. I was so scared I would flip out and not have anyone to help me. :( BUT I DID IT! I took my dad's advice to bring my dog inside and play a computer game. It took a while and a few more tears but soon I was engrossed in the game and was surprised when my mom walked in the door half an hour later than she originally was due. I had a long talk with my doctor today about the information I found on the internet with regard to the thyroid. He thought

Thanks for the info Jen. However, we have to be careful what we read on the web! It is wise to see you doctor (as you are doing so) to get the proper information when clinically diagnosing. Good Luck! Melanie

Hi Bec. I think all of us have looked on our computers for different condtions. I dont' think it is abnormal with panic disorder I'm off to the doctor in like 10 minutes but I've been looking at some common problems related to anxiety and was shocked to see that thyroid problems have symptoms assiosiated with panic. [b]CHECK THIS OUT[/b] [i]Problems with the thyroid hormone system can cause a large number of varied complaints. Because the thyroid hormone system regulates the metabolism, or the sum of all the body's chemical reactions, it can have very far-reaching effects. If the thyroid system malfunctions the entire metabolism can slow down causing a many classic symptoms such as migraines, depression, easy weight gain, fatigue, irritability, anxiety, panic attacks, dry skin, dry hair, hair loss, fluid retention, brittle nails, and many others. But why do doctors sometimes have such trouble recognizing and treating these problems?[/i] I have at least half of those symptoms. I'm NOT getting my hopes up that my disorder is actually related to thyroid but I am going to ask my doctor for the test. I know that a lot of my problems come from my own head, but it never hurts to get tested right? Now if only I liked needles....... :8o: :) hehehe Jen

The racing thoughts are the most prevalent symptom of my panic attacks and what makes it so disturbing is that the thoughts seem so unfamiliar and strange to me, like being in a dream. And when the attack is over, I can't remember anything about what I was just thinking. I even tried to sit with a pencil and piece of paper and write down the thoughts during a panic attack, but I maybe get one word down. They just race too fast. Then for a couple days after my panic attack, I have thoughts "bouncing" in and out of my head so fast, I just want to scream. I'm so obsessed with going crazy that I actually sit at me computer at work and look up symptoms of mental disorders just be sure that I don't have any of them.

Thank you for the responses Blue and Pamela. I'm going to the doctor in an hour to talk about increasing the effexor dose. The only thing is though, his office is soo teeny tiny with no windows that I feel claustraphobic in there and have had previous attacks right infront of him. Sigh......... Like I said, I've had three attacks today and even though I'm not panicking right now, there is a medium level of anxiety. Its so weird, have a few good days then BAM! its like it's making up for lost time. I haven't felt this scared in a long time. :( Thanks to everyone, I'll be back later Jen

Oh, I can relate totally. I'm not sure if I hear voices or not, but before I started taking Clonazepam for my attacks, I used to have some VERY bizarre and scary incidents. As for racing thoughts, those are still a problem for me and in order to cope, I tend to be very obsessive-compulsive in my behavior. You're not alone here,though. And, God is bigger and safer than anything any one of us will ever have to face. He will make sure that His purposes for you are NEVER sidetracked. :)