Monica, Sweety, I am soooo sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this trying time. No matter how bumpy the road gets in the next few days weeks or months, please remember that smoking a cigerette won't change not one thing, or reverse any of the stress you are dealing with. It won't cure your father of cancer, or make your husband feel any better. Smoking will just waste precious moments, moments that can be spent in more meaningful ways. Let me know if you need anything. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/7/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 22 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 502 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $121 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

Good morning all.. Thank you ever so much for all of your words of encouragement and support. Strangely enough I was able to get to sleep without much of a problem - I think all of that crying wiped me out. I have to make arrangements to visit my dad as he lives about an hour from me and I don't have a car. Will probably see him on the weekend. I have to say though that I just hope I can hold it together while in his presence. His wife says he really looks very bad and has lost even more weight. :( I can't stay with him over night, must be here with hubby. I know that over the next while I'm going to be stretched to the limit - but I will be taking your advice to look after me and take some down time for myself. I've learned that from previous experiences. Also, I'm still sticking with my plans to go out for dinner on the weekend for my 30 day quit. I cannot change what I have no control over and I have to continue to move forward ,, even through the tears. Once again, thanks all for your support. You've all been wonderful. All the best... Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 606 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $270 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45

If you've read any of my other threads concerning my dad.. well, he's gotten much worse. :( So much so that they've sent him home from the hospital because there's nothing else they can do for him. They have however sent him home with oxygen. His lung cancer is so advanced now that they can't even estimate on how long he has to live - anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Yes.. out of his 70 yrs on this earth he smoked for 62 of them. Quite unbelievable isn't it? Unbelievable that his mother would even allow him to smoke at age 8!? I've been crying most of the afternoon. I felt myself shaking from the inside out and at times thought I was going to be sick to my stomach. It was so hard to understand him on the phone... through his raspy voice, the coughing, the choking and hearing him cry, I thought I was going to die right there. I am so sad .. You know it's going to kill him,, you know that he's so sick,, already lost one lung (surgically removed 1 1/2 yrs ago)..you know even after all of that, he got home from the hospital, sat down and went right for the cigarettes.. but still the pain of knowing that he's going to die very soon is so damn hard to take. I was so proud of myself with my quit.. I stepped down from the 14 mg patch a week ago and was on the 7 mg. And as bad as it all is with my dad, with my stress levels -- I am not going to smoke, don't even want to.. But I did go back up to the 14 mg just as a safety net. I need to protect my quit in every way possible. I need to take care of my husband.. as he is so very ill.. he's only 51, so I need to be healthy for him as well as for myself. What I need from you, my friends here :) is your support to help me to keep up my strength and my resolve. I've finished crying for today. Over the next several days I have to come to terms with the situation and then accept the inevitable. I needed to come here to let out my feelings.. and also to tell a story of what the reality of smoking is and how it affects friends and family members. He always said.."It's my life and I'll do what I want with it.." I am angry with that statement... But I am sad too. Thanks for listening.... Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 29 [B]Ciga

Thank you Butterfly ... I'm trying to keep on top of it all. My mind is swimming and yes, I hope that other's will help other's with their quits. Yes hon, my one month quit is tomorrow - forgot about it. Duckie.. I need your prayers and candles. Thank you love. Ros .. I'm not blaming my dad - just so many mixed emotions you know? And I shall protect my quit.. it keeps me focused. Thank you for your words. I'm heading offline for this evening.. Really needed to get my feelings out else I would never sleep.. I have a feeling I'm going to have a hard time with the sleep mode, but without expressing myself I'd be up all night long. Your support and caring will always mean the world to me.. *crying* 'Night all.. me [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 29 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 596 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $261 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

Was really doing pretty well this a.m., all things considered. Had a wonderful chat with Kait on IM, had an early lunch and then BAM.. the tears began to come again. I'm really not thinking about me smoking -- have no urge, in fact I think that the way my dad is dying is making me feel so repulsed at the thought of ever having smoked at all. I started the 14 mg patches.. but I'm not sure how long to go with them. Any suggestions? Maybe just stay on them until I've calmed down more and then step down to 7 mg again? Well I do know this -- the tears have stopped and perhaps it would be a good idea to lay down and just rest. Thanks for any thoughts you may have.. it's kinda weird,, it's like I'm grieving in advance of my dad dying. and now i'm rambling.. Monica58 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 610 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $270 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

monica, i am so sorry to hear all this, mu thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this terrible time we are herre for you lynnexx [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/24/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 37 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 557 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �148 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 14

Monica, I admire your strength and your courage. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones during this difficult time. Take good care! Yours, nmc [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 96 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 969 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $480 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 10

Monica, You are definitely going through a challenging time right now. I lost my mother to cancer this past January. Also a lifetime smoker. This was colon cancer though. Upping your patch is a good idea right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless you and your family. Jan [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 16 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 486 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $144 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47

Monica Sweetheart! Its all been said above but I will always be here for you..... Love Phil xxxxxx ((( Monica )))) (And I STILL love your name) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 114 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,397 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �598.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 23 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 42

OMG Monica!!! How awful for you! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of crisis. You must be unbelievably strong to deal with all of this. I am so so so so sorry that you are going through this right now! I think it was wise to go back up to the 14mg patch. MUCH better than smoking! Good for you for recognizing a situation that could be extremely dangerous to your quit and STILL protecting that quit! Congratulations on 1 month tomorrow! I am amazed at you being able to go through all of this AND keep your quit. Your dad's story touched me deeply. Just know that telling that story WILL help others keep their quits... therefore, it's not in vain. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in this trying time. Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 397 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 9,945 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1639.61 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 28 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36