Trish - i have said the exact same things. That i feel like I am learning to walk all over again. Nothing is the same for me anymore - absolutely nothing. I'm trying very very hard to look at it as an adventure, and i'm rather excited to see where I will land. I have been doing lots of reading and journaling and trying to learn coping skills, asertiveness, and anger management. I no longer have any freinds you know.. in 6 weeks, they have all left or been pushed away - there wasn't very many of them to begin with as I am a bit of a private person in person. But, they either did not like the fact that i was standing up for myself, or I found that they weren't worth my time, and wondered why I ever had them at all.
I feel that my relationship with my mother is improving at this point. I have stopped letting her push my buttons and get me so angry that i can't speek or that i say dumb angry things, and instead I have broken loose from conversations and come back to them later and said what i really wanted to say. In one particular instancse, she still tried to push my buttons by saying something to make me think that she didn't hear or understand a word i had said, so i ranted here and in my journal, and went back and explained it again! It was about my quit, and it was important to me that she understand and learn what it meant to be supportive.
There was a coupel of threads in here about anger that did the most for me of anything that i had read. I had to read, reread, and talk about them, and then finally write it out, and I still have to remind myself that to be loving to myself means that I keep my cool and treet another person with respect, even if they don't deserve it. All i ever knew before was if you hurt me, I hurt you back and you learned not to hurt me agian, and if I didn't hurt you, then I fumed about it for a good long time. It's dumb, but it's all that i knew. I'm learning tons of new things now, and even though i still have a long long ways to go.. I sure am growing by leaps and bounds.
... and it all began with stopping smoking.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/17/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 45
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,512
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $585
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B