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Walking on Eggshells

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Riverdale Man, I'm really sorry to hear you're not feeling much joy. I know you'll hang in there because you seem like a VERY determined person. Life's not about getting through it with gritted teeth though so you definitely need to sort this out right now and seeing a counsellor is probably a good first step even if only to hear yourself say what's in your head and straighten it out. I think Martha is on the right track, perhaps it's time to focus on some other goals or hobbies. That's not to say that you shouldn't be vigilant in taking care of your quit but before you quit you must have had some "gee if I had more time I'd love to do that", whether it's reading books or astronomy or gardening or learning to play an instrument or a language, there must be something that as a Riverdale Boy you were passionate about, why not indulge some of those things now? Build a model airplane, take a course in something what ever gets you going, cooking or art classes or mechanics! I've started doing some of my old childhood hobbies and it's great fun and weirdly comforting, like finding a favourite old jersey or scarf. Happiness is moments taken to enjoy, not a constant state. Perhaps you are focussing on quitting and how hard it is so much that you're not taking time to enjoy simple moments. Don't endure this quit or your life. They're not to be only endured, what a miserable existence, don't let yourself go too far down that track. I know how it feels to be sick of this phase of half wanting to smoke and half not wanting to smoke, it sucks! Accepting that we'll never smoke again is hard but get it out of your head, it was a false happiness, a mirage, you were not happier. It may have been easier in the short term (like 30 mins short term!) because we fed the addiction but do you know a single smoker who doesn't feel crap about their smoking??? How depressed did you used to feel about being controlled by nicotine? That sucked far more than this, that's why we so desperately wanted to stop. We have to let the dream one day being able to have a smoke and the nightmare of never having another smoke go. The first is not a positive and the second is not a negative. We both know there is no such thing as having "a" smoke, it's going back to

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Excellent excellent news! If you were rewarding with sweets your sugar levels would have been all over the place. Diet has a huge bearing on our energy and clarity. You're on to it! What a good idea about your writings. So glad you're facing a different direction. Now all you have to do is walk. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/2/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 49 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 646 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $539 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 216

Hi RD man. DO NOT GIVE IN. It will be a struggle for a long time. I know this from past quits. It seems like you are at a lull. In the beginning it is exciting as you are strong and want to beat the Nicodemon, but as time goes on, it gets mundane and sometimes seems like it would just be easier to give in and finally be able to get away from the relentless mind games the beast plays with your head. Be strong and somehow find the fight exciting again!! Read and post here often, I know it helps me to find the strength when I don't think I have any fight left. Stay strong - Stay Quit!! D2Q [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/29/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 21 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 433 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $63 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 58

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3368

Hey Phillip, I am sorry to hear you are in emotional pain right now. I hope everyone's words of advice will touch and help you. From my personal experience, I have found that there are so many different facets to my Quit besides 'not smoking'. When I first quit I found that anything that went wrong I blamed it on cigarettes and my Quit. I have found that some things are smoking related and other things aren't ... it is just that I am now finally seeing some problems in the light now that the smoke has lifted. That is not cigarettes fault ... that is my own fault. I also found out that being in an emotion haze at the moment has made it harder to figure some of this stuff out on my own right. I do not know if this is the case for you or not ... but it can't hurt and is certainly nothing to be ashamed about to talk to a counselor to find out if you have some underlying issues that are creating obstacles for you. My prayers are with you, [IMG]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a17/Daniwiz/Animation1.gif[/IMG] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/12/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 38 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,159 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $152 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

Quit Meter

$54,739.20

Amount Saved
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Days: 5981 Hours: 23

Minutes: 55 Seconds: 16

Life Gained
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45616

Smoke Free Days
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136,848

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 385

Phillip, Please let us know how you are today !!!! :) =========================================== Mira :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 36 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 727 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $126 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 7

Quit Meter

$45,159.84

Amount Saved
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Days: 5180 Hours: 9

Minutes: 25 Seconds: 27

Life Gained
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45616

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

912,320

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 8760

Riverdale Man, If you've been using smoking as a crutch and using it for many years this need for self-exploration was imminent. For many, quitting is not just a learning experience, it pushes you to know yourself inside and out. I'm sure your struggle will turn out for the best in the long run. We will all rally behind you during your journey and look forward to an update soon. Danielle ________________________________ The SSC Support Team

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5009

Hello Philip, I know that a lot of people here see me as the site's joker, but I do have a serious side. Penitent started a thread today re 'cravings' and 'triggers' which I feel is very relevant. At 120 odd days, I don't believe we have cravings any more, Cravings are a symptom of nicotine addiction. The nicotine in our bodies is long gone. So what are we left with? Triggers - reminders of the reasons why smoking seemed to be a pleasure in the past. Don't get me wrong, I still experience the triggers every day, and some days I'm thinking 'It's just not getting any better' IS THIS IT? (btw Newbies - It's MUCH better now than the first few weeks!) As I said on a thread yesterday, we have to listen to the Elders on this site and realise that this is all about patience and the passing of time. Read what they say - again and again. How many times do you see an Elder's post which says 'I thought that I might lose my quit today'. I only have seen one. I really believe that you will never smoke again. Problem is that you need to believe that you can live a fantastic life without cigarettes getting in the way. THIS WILL HAPPEN. For what ever reason, I am finding my Quit easier than you are at the moment, but I still have some way to feeling totally happy. You have achieved so much so far. Protect your quit And keep posting! Mr Ed :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/13/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 126 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,794 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �945 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 21 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 9

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5009

Morning Philip, How are you today? Mr Ed :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/13/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 127 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,819 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �952.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 21 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 506

Oh man....what a heartfelt post. If it's any help, you're not alone. Very frustrating to have these feelings so far along. I guess it would cost our respective governments too much to admit that this is as serious an addiction as heroin or alcohol to require rehab. We're living proof it is!! Why not check out a local nicotine anonymous or some such organization? It has helped me. This site is very useful and very supportive, but being around actual people and looking into other peoples' eyes....well, there's no comparison, really. At least not for me. I think (just my opinion)it would be insane for you and your doctor to conside nicotine in any form at this point in your quit. Antidepressants affect so many things. Maybe just something prn for anxiety? Who knows? Phillip, I know I don't know you at all from "typing", but you seem very up and down in this quit ( the roller coaster) and I suspect there's more to it... that some simplistic advice I or anyone else here is going to give you the answer is naive. Hang in there. :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 121 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,857 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1089 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2436

Love, Light and Blessings coming your way... We will all be here- Healer [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 107 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,763 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $497.55 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 13 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

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Walking on Eggshells