Ok, My quit date has come and gone. As you read ealier, I fell off the wagon, so I have set a new quit date.(7/17). I get sooo tired fighting this, as it's like a never ending battle within myself. With all the failed attempts, it makes me wonder if I will ever be able to do this. I had the oddest dream the other night, which personally I feel is symbolic in this fight within myself. I dreamed I was walking across the side of a bridge. Looking down below was scary so I focused my eyes straight ahead and stayed on the walkway. After I got halfway, the walkway started getting smaller and more difficult to stay on. I looked back and thought, "I can't turn back now", so I kept going further. Then I was close to the other end of the bridge and there was no more walkway, only a huge round steel pole that was in my direct path. I was thinking,"How am I going to get past this thing"? I leaned against the back of the bridge and it started to give way, so I quickly jumped away and tried to go further. I stopped to figure out how I was going to get around this thing blocking me. I was standing on the only piece of walkway left. I could see the walkway on the other side of this pole was wide again and all I had to do was take this huge step without falling and I would make it, but I wasn't sure I could do it. Then I woke up. I can't stop thinking of this dream, and I personally feel that there is a hidden message here, and that it is related to my desire to quit. I want to do this so bad, but then after awhile I always cave when the junkie thoughts come into play. I know I need to strenghthen my resolve, but at this point I don't know what else I can do that I haven't already tried. It makes me wonder if I will EVER be able to give it up for good. At times I feel like I will forever be chained to this awful habit. Whenever I attempt to quit, I feel like somewhere deep inside, something is laughing at me in my attempt. The nicodemon, I suppose is sitting there waiting, snarling, and laughing and telling me that I am wasting my time AGAIN and that it WILL be back. I SO want to get past this. How long will I have to fight before I can finally have the upper hand? It's MY life and I want to be the one in control of it. Maaan, I wish I had never started this stupid, filthy, go

I agree that the dream is symbolic of your life right now. There is a way to cross over that small rod, you just need to dig deep and have faith in yourself! You can do this if you want it bad enough! Hang in there and believe you can! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 59 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,188 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $265.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 29 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

The important thing is to not give up and keep trying. You are not a failure and you can't fail if you don't keep trying. You will find a way around that pole. It may take a while to get around it, but you will do it very soon and we are here to help!!! I quit smoking on July 6, 2006 at 6:00pm. It has been 6 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes, and 35 seconds since I quit. Had I not quit smoking, I would have: * Smoked 132 cigarettes (That's like smoking a 44 foot long cigarette) * Spent $28.25 on cigarettes * Inhaled 1.32 grams of tar * Inhaled 105 mg of nicotine (That's like doing 1,980 hits of nicotine) * Inhaled 1.45 grams of carbon monoxide * Taken an additional 19 hours, 32 minutes, and 4 seconds off my life