Paula,
I want you to read [url=http://www.stopsmokingcenter.net/support/viewmessages.aspx?topic=29023&forum=1]this[/url] thread about what happens after you slip. Repeated slips and relapses, like what you have experienced for the last year, cause our brains to think that it's OK... just this once. And of course, it's NEVER just once!
Paula, in order to quit, you MUST stick to N.O.P.E. Quitting will NOT work if you have one here and there. It's an all or nothing deal. There is NO smoking allowed when you're quit. If you quit, you do not smoke and if you smoke, you are not quit. You can't have it both ways!!! That, right there, is your problem. You asked, "what's wrong with me?" Well, what's wrong is that you're an addict like the rest of us and as addicts, we can either smoke or we can quit, but we can NOT have it both ways. So, what you have to ask yourself is "do I want this quit badly enough that I will fight for it at all costs and not give in no matter what?" If you're thinking in your mind that you can smoke every once in a while, or only on special occasions, or that you will try to not smoke, but if it gets hard, you can just have one... [b]then you're not ready to quit!!!![/b] My advice is don't quit until you are really and truly ready to take on this addiction and fight it to the end. If you're not ready, then you'll just keep on smoking and torturing yourself. Yes, I said [b]torture[/b] yourself! That's what you're doing when you quit, smoke, quit, smoke, quit, smoke...... YOU'RE TORTURING YOURSELF!!!
So, you have to make the decision. Are you ready to quit and REALLY quit? Are you ready to fight this addiction and not give in no matter what? Are you ready to grab ahold of the freedom that awaits you if you quit smoking? If so, then join us. If not, come back when you are. That's my advice, for what it's worth. Paula, you've seen me struggle too. You've been here long enough to have witnessed my mistakes and screw ups and you saw me torture myself again and again by quitting and slipping. So, you know what I had to go through in order to finally quit for good and stay quit, but I'm here to tell you that it IS possible! I am living proof of it. And I REALLY want to see you do this too... but you have to want to t