Pity party over. Life is good! Kick the junkie to the curb because I'm in charge. Doesn't matter what comes my way. Nothing can set my quit to the side. Worked way too hard for way too long. I may be on an emotional roller coaster but that doesn't change a thing. I'm living my life the best I know how. We all make mistakes along the way. We either learn from them or we keep repeating them until we do. Best thing to do is just keep living. What is meant to be will be and there isn't a whole lot I can do about the rest. Fear is the absence of faith right Joyful? :) I may get stressed, I may get emotional and I may let work and life get me down... But.... I do not smoke! Isn't that just awesome! Quitting smoking is the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. Everything that comes along with it is just a bonus! Keep putting one foot in front of the other folks. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 284 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,697 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $994 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 25 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 19

What a horrible addiction. All week I�ve been up, feeling good, life has been awesome and then out of no where, here comes the junkie within. It really sucks and I often wonder if the junkie will ever go away and stay away. You would think that after 282 days I wouldn�t even think of smoking anymore. Wrong. I go for days and even weeks without even thinking about it and then there are days like today when I can taste the cigarette in my mouth just like week one and it sucks. The junkie within still says� Hey, just one; No one will know; wouldn�t it taste good; let it all go; you�ve got it made now. I have so much anxiety right now and I don�t know where it is coming from. Woke up this morning and everything was fine just like any other morning. I was sitting in Sunday school and all of a sudden it hit me� Sitting in church and finally I couldn�t take it anymore, I just had to get up and leave in the middle of the service. I�ve resolved to go back to my ice water, peppermints and deep breathing because that is what gets me through. Crazy Stuff! I really hate the junkie within and wish it would go away and stay away forever. I will not smoke, that is not an option for me. I just want to know when exactly is it that you really �own� your quit? I started not to post this because I don't want to discourage anyone early in their quits but then I really wonder if it is just me or are there others who are farther in their quits that still go through the same thing. So there it is folks... Not sure what I expect to hear but my cards are on the table here. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 282 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,650 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $987 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 24 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 55

Sunshine.... you seem to understand completely. I've tried the conseling thing myself but it doesn't seem to help. Maybe I just haven't found the right person to talk to about it. I really do have a hard time laying it all out there for the world to see. It's pretty simple in this forum because it is anonymous. I have read of your struggles before and my problems are so small in comparison that it doesn't seem I should complain. I should be happy with the way things are. My life is good right now. I am smoke free and I am learning and growing. I just get so afraid. I guess if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, I will eventually find my way to where the good Lord above wants me to be. Riverdaleman...thank you for your support as well. I really felt kind of silly before I posted the second part of this thread. It is nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this issue. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 282 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,658 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $987 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 24 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

Just read a post by Ann Marie about factor in relapsing� Wow. Interesting stuff. I�m going to be totally honest here. Why does the junkie keep coming back? Because I�m not finished developing the coping skills I need to deal with life yet. Yes, I have crossed many milestones and I am secure in my quit. I feel I am in control not the junkie but I�m not finished yet. If I don�t find a way to deal with all the thoughts that go through my mind, I am still very much at risk of giving in to my addiction. I have serious trust issues and am probably the queen of all �what if� thinking for situations. Some have said that I think too much and that is true. I don�t know how to go with the flow and just let things happen they way they are meant to be. I have a strong faith in God and I know without a doubt in my mind that he will provide for the needs of me and my family. I can get up and go to work everyday and be confident in everything I do in the office. It�s the personal stuff that gets me in trouble and I don�t know how to handle it. It�s the self confidence in relationships that I lack. As a matter of fact, I am so afraid of relationships that typically I avoid them. When I find myself getting too close I back away. These feelings are no longer an acceptable normality for me. I want to be self confident, safe and secure in a personal relationship as well. My quit and all that has developed through it - the changes, the freedom, the people I�ve met, the things I�ve learned - has brought about these feelings. These feelings are a direct result of me moving forward in life, growing and learning. Ann Marie�s post talks about [quote] According to behavior modification, quitting is not reward enough. Learning to appreciate and value ourselves and even to love ourselves is part of the quitting program and of the process of change that is required. You are expected to learn to love yourself. You are expected to challenge your negative thinking and to allow yourself to live your dreams.[/quote] Why is this a complicated mission? Why isn�t it just a natural way of thinking and living? Yes I am rambling here but I�m searching. It is so hard to change thinking that I have had for years. It is so hard to trust myself and my fee

Redrosie... Haven't heard from N2K in a while. Last I heard they were moving her husband's grandfather to a hospital closer to their home. I am counting on the old saying 'no news is good news'. I'm sure she is just busy. I will let you know as soon as I hear from her. Dad is dad. He is smoking but he is fine. No more talks of quitting. Thanks for asking. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 283 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,670 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $990.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 24 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 6

I feel like I have just reached a hilltop where I am standing high in the sky and looking down on what is there for me to explore. It is overwhelming but then I see all of you, my quit family, encouraging me and telling me to go ahead and take that next step because everything is fine. Life is good. It�s another part of the journey and time to move forward to the next stage. There is no failing here. The journey is constantly progressing and is all about learning, growing, and developing the new me. There is no right or wrong here, just discovery. What an awesome feeling. I must admit you are quite a philosophical bunch and I didn�t expect all this from you but you have helped me tremendously. You folks have provided exactly what I needed and I didn�t even know what I was looking for when I posted this thread. Funny how that works isn�t it. Trust my feelings, have faith, let go of the past, heal, and carry on. You have all given me wise advice and I appreciate it. Thank you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 283 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,669 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $990.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 24 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

That's the spirit!!!!!! There's the Lady I know!!! Glad you've kicked nic to the curb and are back on track!!!!!! Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 165 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,146 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $681.45 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 12 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 37

Lady, I hear you loud and clear. I went through a lot of these same feelings earlier this week. And I too felt like "when will I not feel this way anymore?" and "Is it just me? Am I the only one who still gets these cravings that last for days?!?!?!?" When I posted about my struggles earlier this week, it was very reassuring to hear others who have been quit FAR longer than me say that they still go through these rough times and it's not just me... it's not like I'm doing anything wrong... that's just how horrible this addiction is! That was a relief because I really was starting to think that somehow, I was causing this to happen to me when it doesn't happen to most people. You and I both know that these times are fewer and farther between than they were back in June/July when we quit. Now, we're dealing with the long term effects of quitting... we are going from quitters to ex-smokers, and I think there's a certain amount of adjustment that goes along with that. But we'll make it through this... just like we always do! And isn't it nice to say, even when we are down, "I will not smoke, that is not an option for me." Take comfort in the fact that you can say that with 100% certainty... and think how far we've come and that we couldn't have said that 9+ months ago. Crave the Quit! Pam [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/28/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 163 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,098 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $673.19 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 11 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17

Lady, So many here have posted such eloquent thoughts. Growth is not without aches. You are growing as an individual, probably for the first time in more years than you can remember. Growing pains are quite common. For you they aren't physical, like sore muscles, but rather they are thoughts that are working the "muscles" in your mind. Whatever your past held for you, it is just that, the past. You made a decision to quit smoking and now you are reaping the rewards of that important decision, both in your physical health and in your new lifes journey. The quitting experience goes far beyond the mere act of not smoking, for many it is a true revelation. You seem to be experiencing that and now you are probably frightened of the future. This is unchartered territory for you. In the original Star Wars movie, Obiwan Kanobi (sp) tells Luke Skywalker to "trust your feelings". That is sage advice. Continue to welcome the future and all it holds for you. You have made the right decision. Never stop believing that and never question it. [b][color=Purple]Be Strong. Be Smart. Be Quit[/color] [color=black]Joe[/color] [size=3][color=Blue]Knowledge Replaces Fear[/color][/size] [size=2][color=purple]Hoping for success without hard work is like trying to harvest without planting.[/color][/size] [size=2][color=black]Illegitimus non carborundum est[/color][/size][/b] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/15/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 329 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,249 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $806.05 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 57 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 37

That's the Lady we've come to know and love. Welcome back! :) Shevie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 324 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,481 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1231.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 60 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 1 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11