Hi Lady,
I read and reread your posts... And am lead to reach out to you. Didn't really plan to write a novel :)
What if there are no answers right now? What if it's not about 'knowing' and it's really about 'trusting' and just putting one foot in front of the other. And just breathing and Being and staying in the moment. And when we learn to trust (I share those trust issues w/you, Lady) we learn to trust ourselves first, always. When we have a hard time trusting others, isn't it really that we're not trusting ourselves? That one took me awhile to get... but I got it.
I am watching you ask questions, answer some of them, share your amazing wisdom with others, and come here and share your process. Talk about courage... Could these be baby steps in trusting yourself on a level you've never really trusted yourself before? That sure is true for me.
This is truly a journey, a powerful journey of self-discovery. And it sounds like and feels like you are in the middle of that magical and challenging 'forest' of self-discovery...
Lady, this Quit journey is new for me I know. But I am getting it. I am learning about me. I am learning to trust me. This is all brand new, friend. Trust...Trust and surrender - what a lesson in wisdom that is. I have learned things about me I had no idea at the age of 54... I love the wind in my hair as I walk by the jasmine in my yard and smell the sweet fragrance that I've never really enjoyed due to my addiction. I love how my hands smell now after I put on my face cream in the morning. And I never knew how comforted and safe I felt when I crawled into bed with my favorite sheets billowing out the fragrance of my favorite fabric softener. I've never known this stuff as I have never had an intimate relationship with me. Until now.
Have we ever known and truly loved ourselves, have we been connected with our souls? Or were we really hidden behind a nasty, bold and dangerous addiction that wore sunglasses, and hid in shadows in dirty, dangerous dark alleys where drug deals go down, while it stole from us our hearts, our souls, our senses, our thoughts, our feelings, our hard earned money? Hell that addiction stole our freedom.
Lady, this is a journey, a process... Honour exactly where you are r
