Dear Matty
I haven't been on the site for awhile and it's a bit difficult to tell when exactly a post was made - I'm assuming yours was in the past 24-48 hours. You sound so forlorn and desperate I'm surprised no one has come to your assistance, so maybe the post was more recent. I hope I can help you.
I wonder if you are on any medication or replacement therapy? It seems to me that you should see your doctor. I know that without the prescription med I've been taking I would not have coped. In my last quit attempt I became, quite literally, unstable - to the point where my husband begged me to please start smoking again - I had a full-blown temper tantrum and tried to climb out of the car (travelling at about 80kms at the time) when my kids squabbled in the back seat. The day before I walked out of work after insulting my boss. I was tired, emotional and really not responsible for my actions ... dark thoughts surrounded me and I thought I was going completely mad.
This time around, with Zyban, I've had a few down days, disturbed sleep, moments of heightened anxiety that pass quickly - but nothing that I couldn't overcome with relative ease and nowhere near like before. In my previous 8/9 (lost count) quits, the most I ever achieved was about 11 days when I was in hospital for a neck op (and on morphine instead!). As I got better, so I began smoking again. So for me today to look back on 75 days smoke free is nothing short of a miracle. I've just had a mini-crisis at work, and commented that "now I could do with a cigarette" ... but realised immediately that this was just knee-jerk reaction, and the last thing I need is a smoke. Two nights ago I dreamed I had a cigarette - and work up with that awful feeling of: 'ohmigod - what did I do last night ..' I was so relieved to find it had been just a dream!
I carried (and still do) a bottle of cold water around, and I sip from that all the time, including in the car - quite a change cos I never drank water previously, unless it was in tea or coffee! I treat myself to a perk of caffeine when I feel a bit wobbly, and snack on grapes, apples, and treats like jelly beans and soft gums. I've put on about five kgs, but will deal with that in time to come.
By the way, I'm 50 this year and have smoked since I was 15.
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Quit Meter
$425,786.67
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 6646
Hours: 17
Minutes: 6
Seconds: 4
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45620
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
912,400
Cigarettes Not Smoked
