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Browse through 411.753 posts in 47.056 threads.

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This is insane.


18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
In 1999 I quit for 6 months using a patch and welbutrin (sp?). I have been using patches off and on for two years. Quitting for a day, a week, or a month at a time. I've already smoked three butts today (I told myself I would call these things what they really are from now on). BUTTS!! "Butt, I don't wanna be here now." "Butt, it's too stressful to quit right now." "Butt, I've smoke for so long." "Butt...fill in the blank... Sunshine-Thank you for you words of encouragement. My deepest compassion for your loss. I have nightmares like that, and see my wife and kids alone. I have no fear of death, but I do know I have SO MUCH more to do in this world. This is the dawning of a new age, and I'm being called to help facilite in that awakening. I know what I need to do, and with the help of God and the peers on this board, I believe it is a different experience than ever before. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -1 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you, IWIN. I've been perusing the posts here, and they all make me wanna smoke. I went out and had one after my last post, and I'll probably go out again and have another after this post. DAMN! I'm gonna start putting my meter on these posts so I can have that staring me in the face everytime I come here. So, how long do I play this frickin' game of how many cigs can I smoke before Saturday? Will I make myself sick as in the past? Will I give up again, and wait for 'better timing'? BS!! I know there is no better time than NOW; why do I chose to mind-f myself? Denial? That's a river in Egypt. I can 12-Step and 'Meeting Speak' with the best of them. Obsession with self (small 's'), and the ego's need to control. When I smoke, I give up my power to guide my destiny. I give up the will to participate in my recovery, and lay the blame on those dammed sticks. I hope you guys are prepared for some mindless ramblings coming from me next week, 'cuz THIS SUCKS!!!
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Not sure if I read your message right, Healer, so I'll wing it and answer with: I can't think like that. If I think I can NEVER have another, that is leaving the NOW as well. I believe what I'm missing here is an accountability factor. Smoking in secret when everyone thinks you've quit, removes the accountability factor. I believe that's why I came back here. To be held accountable for my actions by those who know. My family doesn't understand the first thing about the 'appeal' of smoking, so it is very hard for them to understand this 'love affair' we have with our butts. Sick to think of it like that, but who amoungst us wasn't committed to their smokes? Now I'm having an affair, cheating on my family and friends with another... another puff, another drag, just one more spent butt... I REALLY WANT A CIG RIGHT NOW!!! Why? To hide. To run away. To not be feeling what I'm feeling right now. Just shoot me!
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you all for your support. I know of all the ways to quit. I guess I'm stuck in that 'analysis paralysis' spoken of earlier. I keep thinking, "Why am I doing this to myself?" "Why do I not want to quit when it's is effecting my health?", and I don't just mean an annoying cough. I have set my date for Saturday 04-01-06...All Fools Day. Ironic? No, for I play the fool each and every time I light up. This is not meant to be a pitty party. I have come to the realization that I CANNOT DO IT ALONE! That is why I've come back here. There is no one I feel I can talk to about this. Too many times I've 'quit' and been caught, and there are trust issues with my spouse. I've told myself time and again, "I can do this, and no one has to know." Well, that's BS because I clearly cannot do this alone; therefore I shall heed the advise of those who've been there, and report here often. Thank you all for being here, and thank you for being honest. And btw I'm not Charlie. :)
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ladybugg!?! I remember you from last year. Glad to see you're still here, and SMOKE FREE!! Good example for me. Yes I can do this. Yes I will take a smoke free me to New Mexico. Yes I AM A NON-SMOKER!! I'll keep you posted...
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Blessings appreciated, Healer.(nice name) I have quit booze, and I have quit drugs. This is not about nicotine. This is about avoiding the NOW. This is about not being able to be here, NOW. The physical cravings...bah. The social habit....bah. I'm closet smoking. The pleasure(?) of smoking...bah. The times I want a cigarette most is when I don't want to be where I'm at at the moment. Strongest at work when I have a pile of papers on the desk, and no motivation to shuffle them. So...I escape. I feel crappy and worse after, but I have escaped that 'pressure moment' and accomplished nothing. So, a reason why I smoke is to play that age old human game: AVOID THE NOW!!! PRIZES!!! CASH!!! I take great pleasure in being in the NOW, and that-I think-makes this all that much sleazier. Hypocritical. Insane. When you do what you know will hurt you...that's insane. When I tried to quit before, I would see others smoking on TV or at work, or driving, and think, "They get to do it...I should be able to too." pout pout pout Well, I'm NOT them, I have no idea what their story is, and I will not presume to place my situation on them. But that ol' ego gets to talkin',"Just have one to get past this edginess. You feel like crap, and you can make this stop by just having one..." Yeah, one. We all know how 'one cigarette' ends up.
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I seem to be unwilling to stay off cigarettes. I have 7 (SEVEN) stints in my heart, and I should not be smoking. I consider myself an intelligent guy in most matters, but this dis-ease is becoming the obsession of my life. I smoke in secret. My chart says I have almost a year of quitting...I smoked three, no four cigarettes already today, and I'm about to go out for another one... What in the HELL is wrong with my thinking? What in the HELL is with this thing called smoking? I have EVERYTHING in the world to be grateful and blessed for. I feel alone, sinister, and the energy it takes to continue to hide it from everyone is draining me. So, why don't I surrender? What keeps me going back again and again. I'll quit for a week, then pick it up again. I am not the same person I was, why do I feel the need for this crap? Rambling I know, but this was a big step comin' back here. I had even deleted the address from my bookmarks, but then a Higher Power stepped in today, and answered my prayers to reconnect with this support group, and finish this maddness, by sending me a questionaire to 'see how I was doing'. Doin' smokes, that's what I'm doin'. My family and I are preparing to move to New Mexico in September, I DO NOT want to take this with me. I want freedom, and I NEED HELP!!! I CANNOT DO IT ALONE!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I'm scared, and I don't know what to do anymore, I've overthunk it.
  • Quit Meter

    $20,665.80

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 770 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 50 Seconds: 28

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    3827

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    38,270

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 56 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Charlie- As I read your message, I thought it might be you and then Lady called you by name. We started together, one day apart. It sounds like you are still tormented and have had a really tough year cardiologically. You are also starting a new life in September. What a wonderful gift you could give to yourself and your family if a non-smoker moved to New Mexico. All of us here believe in you and your ability to end your torment. Now you just have to believe in yourself. Start by stopping the analysis paralysis. One day at a time. Godspeed JJ [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/24/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 370 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,115 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1757.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 48 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 48 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30
  • Quit Meter

    $59,032.75

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 628 Hours: 15

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 25

    Life Gained

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    4819

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    168,665

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 1073 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
CBG, The most important thing to recognize is that we are addicts. If you're trying to break a habit, you'll have a tougher time quitting. Please prepare (go through those program tools at the left again!), come here often. Read, post, read, and post some more! Know that you're going to go through hell at first....but also know that it DOES get better!! Welcome back! We CAN do this! [color=Purple]~lbugg~[/color] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/17/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 377 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 20,012 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2488.2 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 36 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 41 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3
  • Quit Meter

    $52,522.50

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 919 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 2

    Life Gained

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    7003

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    175,075

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 1073 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
:) CBG, This wasn't my first quit either. But it is my last. I relate very well to your posts. I have medical issues, too. Smoking was killing me sooner rather than later, too. And my prayers were also answered. But that higher power usually just gives us the tools and the nudge. It's up to us to follow through. I'll be watching for you... [color=Purple]~lbugg~[/color]
  • Quit Meter

    $52,522.50

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 919 Hours: 10

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 2

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    7003

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    175,075

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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