Hi Jan~
I hope this note finds you feeling better.
When something stressful happens our brains first reaction is 'to smoke.' But, only because that is what we used to do. Now that we have quit hopefully we learn 'new ways' to deal with the stress. You jumped on the computer and vented to your support group. THAT is one of your new alternatives to smoking. So you did good! :)
I'm reluctant to try to address the situation with Aimee because I don't know the details. I understand where everyone else is coming from and agree for the most part. Yet, I see it from a different angle too. So for that reason I'll tell you this in case it might be helpful to you. (just ignore it if it doesn't fit your situation)
I don't think I could have 'spanked' her on her birthday. Here's why. When my little boy turned 3 we had a big suprise party for him at my mothers. We decorated, invited kids, balloons, cake... the whole 9 yards.
The minute he saw it all he burst out bawling and refused to even open a gift! He went from crying to almost hateful. It was crazy. All the kids ate cake and then went home with him crying in the bedroom. It was not a party it was awful. I was so embarrassed.
Turns out he didn't want a party because he didn't want to TURN 3. Unfortunately, I had mentioned to another adult within earshot of him that I was going to replace HIS bottle with a sippy cup when he turned 3. So, he thought if he didn't have a birthday party he wouldn't get older and could keep his bottle.
Perhaps Aimee has some underlying issues that you are not seeing. Kids don't generally act out without reason. (and they don't always comprehend what the reason for their bad behaviour is either)
Also, I have to tell you this. When I was at the beginning of my quit---
I was crying alot and my son (9 years old now) ask, "Momma why are you crying?" I told him I was trying to quit smoking and it kind of hurt.
He said, "I understand, it's like when I had to give up my bottle, huh?" I said 'yes' and we hugged. *I tear up just remembering THAT*
Be patient with your little girl. She wants to have a good relationship with her mother as much as you want to have one with her.
[color=blue]~[font=Arial]all the best[/font][/color]
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