I wanted to post before I left today but was running late and couldn't. My face had a big smile on it as I read your kind words and actually could feel your encouragement. Today, was a nother tester and I hate it!! My sister is a nurse for about 36 years and a smoker. she had no problem smoking around me today so I grabbed my walker and got up and let the banquet room. I felt so angry I almost called a cab to leave but didn't want to hurt my nephew's feelings. I don't get to see him very often and he is such a nice young man. Also, saw my 85 year old mom. I finally told her that I quit smoking on April 26th. she said it was about time. lol I guess if I want encouragement and kind words this is the place to get it because I am not getting it anywhere else! But you know what that's ok. I've done a lot of distructive things because of my family and had to let all that go and this is one more thing. It's someting how we grow and how we finally understand. One thing I don't like is that everyday I still think about a cig. At times I must admit I do want one but then I chalk it up to the 40 years of being a smoker. I mean if I really wanted one I could of bought them today. I didn't. The other days I could of taken the walker and walked to the store but didn't. I guess it's that I've smoked for so many years and now I don't--it's a life changing experience and that's for sure. I like myself now not being a slave to smoking I like myself because I am not adding pain to my throat by smoking. I am finally taking control and I must admit it does make me proud. For the first time I am doing something for myself. I went and bought several hand and body creams. I love the new smell now. No longer do I smell like a stinky cig. Now I smell like a flower that is fresh. I am proud that I made it today smoke free. Gee, sure have had some tests as all of you had I'm sure. I just wanted to share with my family here and let you all know what's been going on.I was so happy to get home this evening, there's no place like home.... but I will ontinue to fight and I know that more fights are in the wing of things. This time I'm going to win! Thanks for listening. I appreciate it so much... babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 25 [

Hello my wonderful smoke free friends, I just don't know how I did it. I don't understand what is going on with me!!:mad: I wanted to smoke so bad! I ached like the junkie I am. I'm glad I have some kind of self diginity because I didn't go beg someone for a cig. I would think in my mind how demeaning that would be. Oh, this was aweful!! I stayed away from the smokers and poor hubby and I had lots of fights these past few days. I am so exhausted. I hate this. I do not understand why I had such a hard time. When hubby & I were at the store of course they have the packs of smokes right at the check out line. I prayed and swiftly turned my body around not to look at them and my mind saying, no,no,no, don't do it. The junkie inside me is saying yes,yes,yes, just one won't hurt, you'll feel better. My thoughts then went to how I did feel when I smoked and I know darn well I didn't feel better. God, how I wish we had a shut off switch in our brain. I don't understand these emontions. I must admit I was relieved today that I didn't give in to that demon, that addiction, that killer. My hats' off to all that kicked this drug and stayed off. I want to be just like you. What a fight, I'm gonna win though I have too!! I want too!! I hate what this addiction has done to me, done to my relationship with the hubby, etc... I wish they would tax the crap out of cigs so people would finally say enough of this I stop and then our children would not smoke. I dread to see how one day they will fight to get off of this garbage. By then I wonder what other chemicals will the cig companies add into the cig? In the meantime I have not smoked and it's a fight at times every minute, second, hour, or a day but this fight i will win!! I Wanted to check in and let my friends know how i'm doing. Hope I haven't disappointed you all by admitting how difficult this is for me but one thing I will not lie!! My brain has been through such a strain these past few days I'm going to lay down for a bit and coming back later to do some reading and maybe write you all some more.. I'm lonely too. I'm so happy that I have you all now because if I didn't I know I would be back to smoking for sure! Thanks again for letting me vent. Hope to talk to you later... babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My

Thanks so much!! Love you sharing your stories. I actually found myself smiling as I read your experiences. Oh God, I needed that!! it's something else how we have to watch ourselves with our emontions. Earlier I was so angry I was like forget this I'm smoking. That junkie talking. I hate it!! But I must say I never realized this before. Now, I think before I do anything and so far it's been working. Also, this site, you people, have helped me so much!! I am humbled and grateful for all of you. I called hubby up and told him to lay off. Told him I was smoking. He got upset and I know I was wrong but wanted him to see how it felt. You need to understand we have a good marriage, I am blessed. At times I tell him I hate him and he says how he loves me and vise versa. Anyway, the demon has left the building and am so grateful that I am not smoking. At times I can actually picture myself with a cig and that scares me. I replace that with the thoughts of clean smelling hair, clothes, breath, no pain in the throat, and the circulation of warmth back in my feet!! YES, this is what it's about!! I am in control now and not that object. Today it really hit me when I saw I saved over $100 some dollars and saved several days of my life. That is so awesome. That in itself is such a reward. Well, thanks for listening, for caring and sharing with me. It sure has helped. babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 626 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $105 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 29 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24

Walking carefully and caring a big stick!! It's unbelievable how things can change from minute to minute. with the problems of the arson and dealing with the adjustor from the insurance and the contractor I find myself really wanting to smoke right now!! Calling my husband for support and not getting it is disappointing. His remarks were why don't you have the list made for all the things that were lost in the fire? If I could of put my arm through the phone I would of choaked him!! I find myself very angry right now and resent the way I am being treated. I saved his life waking him up when the house was in blazes and got the animals (my kids) all out safely. Right now it's very difficult to think because I am fighting this emontial attachment to cigs especially when their is stress!! I can't believe how angry I feel inside and how I resent his words as he says about me being home all day. Yes, I am home. not by choice! Before my disability I was very sucessful as a Purchasing Agent, for a well know manufacturing company. I worked every day and loved my job. I miss working so much. Now with my recent quit it is very hard for me to concentrate and to get things done. Then bam, hubby dearest acts like I don't do squat. I'm venting right now so I don't smoke. Not that I have any cigs but you all know us addicts if we really want something we will get it! UUUGGGG, I so hate to feel like this! So how do you deal with stress? Are their bodies in your basement? lol Everything is so new for me as I am learning a new way of life and new way of dealing with life as a non smoker. So, anyone want to share their experiences with me I glady will listen and learn. babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 623 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $105 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Hello my wonderful friends, My inspiration, my cheerleaders, my guardian angels. I feel so much for each and every one of you--you just don't know what you've done for me. Remember one day when something really good happens--just think about babs--it's the return on what you have done for me. ;) 20 days this is the longest I have gone. I find that at times I crave so bad it's like that monkey on my back. But no way will I give in as I will always remember hell week and heck week. I'm still gumby some things never change. lol We are going to the campground late tonight. Hubby works 2nd shift and will be coming back Friday morning.I told my hubby if he didn't want to go this week we could stay home. He didn't bite he wants to get away. In a way I do to but inside I am afraid. I just don't want to experience what I did last time. Bringing my computer with me just incase. I never leave home without it. lol Sound like a commercial hey? We are coming back Friday morning. Having something new going on now. I'm starting to have horrible nightmares. God, this stinks. For the past several nights I've woke up all upset and shaky. Not taking any new medication and we all know that I've done the laser treatment. Is this a natural process? The dreams seem so real it's really been upsetting. Today, I am so tired I just want to sleep but if I do I know I'll be up all night. Anyone go through this before? I feel this is my haven, my safe place and sometimes I feel a little foolish for asking questions but you all have never made me feel stupid. Thank you for that. If anyone has had this happen please let me know. I'll be around reading today for some reason having serious stress problems and like I said that monkey is on my back. Not to worry not giving in I just don't understand why I'm feeling like this! babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 620 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $105 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 4

Hello my friends, Well, I am disappointed in people again. When I went to the campground I did tell everyone that I am a non smoker. I had to leave because I was so close to smoking!! I never realized how many people are smokers there. Then when we would be sitting around and talking how someone would offer me a cig. I know they wouldn't do that if my hubby was around. I don't get it!! What a nightmare. I was going to stay until May 20th but came back on May 13th. I feel pretty depressed and sad because I really wanted to stay and enjoy nature. I found myself so close I wanted to smoke so bad... I keep telling myself that I am a addict and addicted to nicotine. Before I left I drove my cart to all that smoked and let everyone know that when I come back not to offer me any cigs. That I have a medical problem and can not smoke. If they won't listen I have no other choice I will not be able to associate with them anymore. A friend helps a friend. God, I just don't get it!! We are going to go back for a couple of days just to get away but going to come back. I'm not strong and afraid that I will smoke. I tell myself the positive things such as how wonderful I smell, no ashes falling on the floor or on me, how my breath doesn't smell, things like that. Just wanted to share with you. I just don't understand why people would do something like that. Now, I don't trust anyone expect for the people here on this site. So sad and disappointing.:mad: babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 19 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 594 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $99.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15

Hi Sunshine, You really make me feel good and thanks so much for that. I really needed some kind words and encouragement. Feeling pretty drained and depressed. Yes, my hubby will be going with me to the campground. I am unable to drive due to my disability. When I want to stay he leaves me out there with my animals (kids) and we enjoy the nature, fishing, cows over the river and the wonderful clean smell of fresh air. For right now I'm not going to stay by myself. I fear that I will relapse and I can't go through this again. It's too hard the withdraw and re-thinking, re-doing,etc... Also, the mood swings it's not fair to put my hubby through that again also. I like the way I feel and don't want to loose it for no one or nothing. Again, thanks for everything. babs [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/26/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 19 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 595 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $99.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 37 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

Hi Babs, I have joined you in the Quit. today is my 3rd day. :) And now, i dare to write to you :) read below to find out why.... During the last 2 weeks, i was thinking about how things were with you, however, as i havent really quitted yet then, and i remember reading in one of your posts that it was tough, and affected u to read about others slipping, etc. Hence, I decided to stay away from you until i am into the quit. Just in case :) I saw your quit meter...20 DAYS!!!! it is getting to 1 month.. any first month gift for yourself? Your determination and strength really inspires me. Thank You. Na [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 2 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 80 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $12 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

hi babs, hope you are well and good. tomorrow is your quit right? it is exciting... n brave it.. i will join you soon. na [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/14/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] -17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

Hello Babs, This site is great and it helped me a lot.The messages here have been great and inspiring to read.If you need help, your buddies are here. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 4/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 14 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 283 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �14 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23