I am 50. I have a wonderful husband of 26 years. I have two kids 22 and 24. They both still live with us so they drive me nuts at times, but I I love them both to bursting. I have been struggling with varying degrees of depressive episodes for abou 20 years. I have recently suffered several losses (my sister and best friend, 18 months ago-cancer; my mother in law, pneumonia a year ago, and my dog' cancer, a month ago. (Merry f***ing Christmas). My sister in law has breast cancer caught early so they say she'll be ok, my dad has bladder cancer and is refusing treatment because maybe a) he is in denial or b) he thinks the doctors are lying. Most likely a bit of both. He pretty much refuses to tell us what his dr. Is saying. I think my primary issues are grieving the losses, and I just don't give a **** about anything else. Kind of an "It all sucks and I just don't have the energy to care about it, talk about it, think about it so I just withdraw in to t.v. Or computer games or sleep ( with a little help from clonazepam). I'm on Ned's which I take diligently though the best I ever seem to get is flat, and the worst is hopeless. I'm here in an attempt to avoid one on one therapy and saying and hearing all the same **** I've heard and said a million times before. I am going to work the program in case I get kicked off if I don't. I just want someone to tell me I haven't gone from depressed to completely in sane.
