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I don´t understand the way I think,

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I don´t understand the way I think,

9 years ago +1 +1 / -0 1022

Thank you Super Girl. It is good to hear from you and I had to chuckle (gasp! out of depression came a chuckle... go figure.) I had to chuckle when you mentioned doing laundry as an accomplishment. It's my favorite one... when I can do nothing else... at least I can throw one load in and feel good about myself. And you are right... no one else gets it.

From the stars under your name, it looks like you are halfway through the second set of lessons. That's where I am too. I get hung up on doing the mood tracker and have slowed down with the reading. But I do keep going back to read and re-read. It keeps me "mindful" of my dis-ease and helps me be kinder to myself ... more focused on what I am accomplishing and more accepting of all the things I just CAN'T do right at the moment.

So... congratulations on getting the laundry done!

Good job! PLUS, you remembered to check in here, do some reading, and post helpful comments.

We are making progress. Yes! ~m

9 years ago +1 +1 / -0 27

It helps me and makes me happy to read your posts and responses to my posts as well. It's amazing that a few empathetic words from a total stranger can be motivating! I hope that we both can stick with the program and make progress. It's a battle, for sure. But I feel ok today because not only did I shower and brush my teeth, I also did a load of laundry. No one in my immediate family sees this kind of stuff as "accomplishment" and I'm glad to have connect with others who understand just how hard managing day to day life can be when you have depression. Have a good weekend, ~m and keep taking those baby steps! Super Girl

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Supergirl for responding. In the past, one of the most powerful aspects of this program for me was the responses from other people. It motivates me to log in and do the homework. To check in and see how ppl are doing. To know I'm not alone in this ... Thank youI!

Oh yeah... I totally get it... when it is all we can do to get up and get dressed, wash the face, brush the teeth. I finally accomplished that at 2pm today. I don't know why I fight it so much. I definitely felt better after. But it was a a battle that took everything I had. I could say lots of deragatory things about myself.... but maybe I'm not so terrible if you struggle with that too.

thank you for checking in ... I was about to just give it up. YOU made me want to try! ~m

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 27

I had to go back and reread the part about IDS. I also have trouble getting started, stopping and starting again. I often forget to even check into this site because I get so bogged down. Its overwhelming to deal with depression thinking and negative self-defeating thoughts. I tend to shut down and feel like I'd rather disappear. And in some ways I do disappear - behind my phone, with my compulsive behaviors, with my anxiety. When I get motivated to pull myself out, I try to start focusing on goals that are more achievable - and sometimes I have to do baby steps, like my goal today is to brush my teeth and take a shower. It's scary how easily these basic hygiene steps fall by the wayside for me when I'm really low. I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, but be comforted in the fact that others are struggling in the same way. There are probably people reading this discussion whose goals are simply to log on to this site each day. I hope we bring them comfort and support as they see how we are doing on our journey. Super Girl

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

and then there is me... I think I understand the way I think and know all about depression and therefore should be immune to it's devastating effects. Hah! Jokes on me... here I am again, just as helpless and hopeless as the last time and the time before and the time before that.

Had set a goal to come review the lessons, do the homework and post something every day. Not meeting that goal so well. Scaling back to just logging in.

Yesterday I skimmed (because I already know it all!) the welcome section. Today I made myself go back and really read the welcome and was surprised by the information on the biology and evolution of depression. I'd forgotten about the IDS...

pretty interesting section. It's about 3 pages in from the Welcome.

I don't know... reminds me some things are hard wired and maybe I'm not just a hopeless loser.

Is there anyone else just starting (or starting over) the program? What are your thoughts about IDS? Any troubles just getting started? ~m

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Amarilyn,

I can really hear the frustration and almost hopelessness in what you write. I am so sorry you feel this way. Depression can really be debilitating and make everything seem hopeless. I want you to know that you can take control of this. You can learn to control your thoughts so that they serve you and not continue to make you feel guilty and stuck. It will take time and systematic effort but I have full confidence in you and in this program.

It has been a few days since you posted last. How are you feeling today?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

With a loving family and nothing major in particular today. I am extemely low. Much of this is due to guilt I have created

for my self for taking time of work to deal with my depression. It makes out financial situation more difficult which in turns creates more stress and anxiety. I feel I can't win!

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I don´t understand the way I think,