I have been in the bench for last 5 months. For people who are not familiar with term bench is – people who are employed by the organization and receive full salary but now they do not have work.
I have been in IT industry for last 12 years. I suffer from depression time to time. I was able to keep check on these feelings because I used to be busy. I used to have stress at work but that is a different matter. However, lately my depression is raising ugly head inside me. Keeping my mind idle drives me nuts. To add the woes is my organization is not employee friendly at all.
Every day I struggle to get up from bed. When I am about to reach the door in my organization, I feel uneasy in my stomach. At work, it is a struggle to keep myself sane for 8 hours. I have started smoking again. The whole situation drives me nuts. I have applied for numerous positions in other companies but no luck. Facing this every day for last couple of months is driving me nuts. At work, I think about things in my past, which adds to my depression. When I leave for work, I am an emotion wreck. At home, I feel tired and unable to participate in any meaningful activity with my family. I feel helpless. I have enrolled in distant education, which will be welcome distraction.
However, I am going to see doctor and get some advice from her.
