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Negative Core Beliefs Part III

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Negative Core Beliefs Part III

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Very nice ~m!

What were your thoughts about your own position after writing that? What's going through your mind now? What is preventing you from applying this type of logic to yourself?

It sounds to me there was a bit of frustration there. To me it sounded like you were saying you know you should come to that realization that you are an amazing person but you are frustrated with yourself that you have not. Is that true? If not, what is creating this frustration? Remember, frustration and even anger is ok when examining your thoughts. It just shows us we need to dig a bit deeper.

I think we've hit a hot button here. Great work

Keep going!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I'm surprised that answering this question has taken so much thought. I am tired of offering members hypocritical platitudes... "of course you are not lazy or stupid... just believe in yourself... hang in there".

What a load of c**p! I don't know these people. I only know members by what they share. I cannot offer hope if they haven't any of their own. Nice words aren't really much help. sharing experiences sometimes does. I think the CBT questions are more helpful than the platitudes to which I am prone.

What is your definition of lazy?

What percentage of your time do you engage in lazy behavior?

How much "laziness" is ok?

Is time not doing anything ever of any value?

What is your definition of stupid?

How do you demonstrate your stupidity?

Are you always 100% stupid?

etc., etc., etc...

That's what I would ask you. What I would think of you is that you are an amazing person who could not possibly be lazy or stupid if you are here working on this stuff. But I would know you have to come to that realization yourself and just me saying it does not make it so.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi ~m,

Just logged in to see these posts today. Do not apologize for honestly expressing what you think and feel. This honesty is what makes any support group tick so please don't ever feel you posted too much or are being "too negative"

Let's examine these thoughts a bit. Let's say I was a member of this support group (I wasn't positioned as a Health Educator) and I told you I wasn't working but was working on my marriage and health. What if I said I felt like I was lazy and stupid due to this. What would you tell me? What would you think about me?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

but it is possible to change... it is and i'm sorry to be so negative at times.

also... i was answering the question on this thread that was posed in Negative Core Beliefs Part II

sorry for the confusion.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Ashley, based on these descriptions I am surprised to find that my dh is definitely sociotropic, while I am autonomous. We have accomplished much in 6 weeks of couples counseling but this differentiation hasn't come up. I think it will be quite valuable to explore these differences.

I especially see this impact on myself ... kind of answering your question from Negative Core Beliefs Part III... I have a core belief that says my value as a person is dependent on my levels of "productivity, achievement and control" and I am definitely worried about being incompetent and unable... to do so very many things.

Without the babysitting gig to define myself... my productivity and achievements are not measurable and therefore don't count which leads me to think I am just lazy and stupid and lacking in motivation. I need to go get a real job to account for myself or I feel worthless. Which raises the question... Why doesn't the intense work I am doing with regard to my marriage (and about my negative core beliefs) count as real and worthy?

I feel sad. What a loser! Arrrggghhh... old habits are so hard to change.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

In general, there are three types of negative core beliefs:

•   Negative Core Beliefs about Yourself
•   Negative Core Beliefs about the World and Others
•   Negative Core Beliefs about the Future

All negative core beliefs can cause problems. Theories also suggest that certain dispositions and certain life events will affect people differently. There are two categories:

•   Sociotropic: concerned about relationships, concerned of the possibility of disapproval, ones sense of self- worth is based on acceptance & love from others, wants to maintain close relationships & worries about being unlovable.
•   Autonomous: have a high need to be independent and reach goals outside the relationship, sense of self worth is based on productivity, achievement and control, overly concerned with the possibility of failure & worried about being incompetent or unable.

According to theories such as by Beck, the matching between dispositions and life events can make the difference between could impact the severity of impact the life event will have on the individual.

For instance, a sociotropic is more likely to be negatively affected by a break-up whereas an autonomous by being fired from his/her job.

Please share your thoughts.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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Negative Core Beliefs Part III