A question for those in the know. Is it a normal part of depression to have such fluctuating moods, to feel at times totally beaten down, at others uncharacteristically aggressive, sometimes euphoric? I worry that I have some sort of personality disorder as well - I just seem so at mercy to emotions which come and go seemingly at random. My external behaviour is apparently pretty stable (I suppose I have my acute self-consciousness to thank for that) but inside is such a changeable, stormy sea.
I wake up each morning and wonder how I will feel in the morning, at lunchtime, later in the afternoon, in the evening ... and I just don't know and seem to have no control over my moods and feelings.
I see myself as basically a 'good', moral kind of person and naturally cautious, but I have done things, risky things, way beyond the pale and taken pleasure in doing so. Five minutes later I am deeply ashamed, ten minutes later I don't care, fifteeen minutes later I'm celebrating it, only to sink back into shame. Round and round we go, and it's so stressful. It feels like I just don't know myself.
Surely I'm not alone in feeling this way. Am I?
