I can see how to apply this to myself when I fall into "yes, butting" ... but what is the solution when trying to communicate with someone else who uses this pattern of communication almost exclusively? Withdrawing is no longer satisfying. I want to be heard and not dismissed. I want to support and encourage. I don't think silence does that very well. What can I do to help change this pattern?The solution to “yes, butting” is to recognize the symptoms, inhibit the impulse to criticize, assert what you really need and want, and be prepared to compromise.
Denying Your Needs
People who communicate with a very passive style often deny their own feelings and needs. They feel sad, angry, or hurt but they deny their feelings and needs, even when asked directly. As a result, they get frustrated and angry because they feel unheard and disrespected. Other people get frustrated and angry because they have to guess what the passive person is feeling and needing. The answer to this problem is to adopt a more assertive communication style.
Yes ButtingPeople who communicate in a passive or passive-aggressive way can do a lot of “yes butting.” In response to any suggestion from the other person for how to solve a problem or make a decision they say “yes, but…” Usually people who “yes but” don’t come up with any solutions of their own, they just reject all of the solutions of the other person. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who is a “yes, butter” you know how frustrating it can be. No matter what you try to suggest, it isn’t quite good enough. So, what happens? That’s right, eventually you respond to the constant rejection by giving up and withdrawing. The solution to “yes, butting” is to recognize the symptoms, inhibit the impulse to criticize, assert what you really need and want, and be prepared to compromise.