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just want to be better

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Paul..Welcome back.I have just come back recently myself too. Like you I think writing it out helps me to feel a bit better.

Hi Jacques...Thanks for sharing your tip about the post-it notes..I think this just might help me...

jdoe....

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Hi Paul,

I personally found that I cannot work through the thought records until I am more stabilized. Finding the right medication can be hard, especially since it can sometimes take a while before the medications starts to work. Some people explained it to me as a leaking hot water tank. We want to stop the leak, but not too much as we don't to have the tank overflowing either. For me it took 9 months before I got a workable combination of medication. I felt too that I could ditch the meds as I felt good, but I knew it might throw me back into depression.

Getting myself to do things during the depression can be very hard. I solved it by putting post-it notes all over my house with a next step to take, e.g. next to my alarm clock would be a note "brush your teeth" and next to the toothbrush "take a shower" and next to the towel "make coffee" etc.. These are all little steps that could help me through the day during major depression, so I do have a feeling of accomplishment.

Jacques

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Hi Paul... welcome back. It is good to hear from you although I am sorry you are having a hard time. I'm so glad you allowed yourself time off to vacation with friends... sounds wonderful. Having a great vacation does make it sooooooooo very hard to go back to work. Sounds like there is more to your "dread" than just the change from vacation to work mode. How did it go today? How do you feel about work tomorrow?

PS. I am just beginning my Monday and I'm still dreading the rest of the day... hoping to do better as I go along! Hoping that for both of us and so interested in hearing how you manage as well.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Ineedhelp,

You've have come to a great place to receive help. Members here are very receptive and encouraging. Many have had similar experiences and can offer support from a very honest place.

You mentioned that you know exercise helps and that you want to, but can't. I'm wondering what is stopping you from exercising? Even a little bit each day - a 20 minute walk is proven to be very beneficial for cardiovascular health. Delivering more fresh oxygenated blood to the brain is an easy way to help boost your mood.

Post with us often and let us know how you are doing - especially if you find it hard leading up to Monday - you will find it helpful to share your feelings and vent frustrations you have. We're here for you!
Vincenza, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

I was seeing a guy that the doctors sent me too he was more of a psycotherapist where he talked about thought processes
Although i found it good talking to someone i couldnt follow through writting things down

it seemed like so much hard work i know it sounds lazy i would just get more preoccupied with everything that was going on.

Im going to try and see a counsellour next week

I feel like im getting worse and i dont know how to handle it i have thoughts im always going to be like this

thoughts of not wanting to be here although i know i would never do that i just want it to stop

I wake up in the mornings and feel so bad morning always seems like a really bad time as i wake

the sad thing is i know how to get out of it excercise works great but i dont do it i want to but i cant

Thankyou for replying to my posts it has made me feel a little better just puttting things down

I do know there is only me that can put things right

I have just been off work for two weeks i went on holliday with friends and it was great when i came back to the uk all my problems where still there and feeling when i was away i never thought about them

the closer i get to monday and going back work the worse i feel

i know this is normal most people get like it but it seems to affect my whole mood body etc

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi ineedhelp,

Feeling better after a big life transition that you are experiencing takes time and there are ups and downs. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself in regards to how you think you "should" feel. Recognize your feelings as a reminder for the need of more learning and healing. If this means more talking and more self soothing then so be it. If this means more program work and goal planning then so be it.

It sounds to me like there are still a lot of emotions that want to come out. Posting on here is a great option; we are always here to listen. Have you thought about talking to someone in person? A counsellor or close friend? How do you think this could help you? If you feel this isn't what you need, what do you need?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

The thing is i never expected to feel worse again after i started feeling better.

I just thought thats it im over it move on all gone and now i realise i can get down or getting feeling low depressed and not wanting to be here.

It came as quite a shock as i thought i was better now i realise when things are happening in my life get down more easily.

plus im worrying because the have put me on 60 mg prozac and last month i thought i could come of it as i felt so good

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Paul,

I am sorry you are going through this now. There is a lot going on and it sounds like you are feeling really stuck in these negative emotions.

Grieving the loss of a relationship can be difficult. Check out the auxiliary session on grief and loss for more information.

Continue to work on the program as it will help. Also, continue to post in the support group, you are not alone in this.

You can get better. What do you think is an important next step?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

I first posted on this site when i was diagnosed with depression after me and my ex wife split.

Since then i feel like ive been on a rollercoaster that wont stop.

I have had times where i thought thats it im back im better thats the old me and then the shock and sinkining feeling when ive realised the same feeling come back.

Im now 18 months into this it started with a split from the ex as i said feb 2010 the first few months where ok and then my life just changed.

my body gave up i was sleeping all the time i felt i wanted to try again with my ex but she started seeing someone else and so do i.

it felt like a death in the family

I had thoughts i shouldnt of had not really wanting to be here so the pain would stop .

The guilt of mistakes i had made and what a failure i was.

It felt like i was loosing my two girls too and all the time i couldnt understand how mt ex could see someone who i knew and i thought was a friend.

It cut like a knife the guy had always been in the scenes just being polite nice or over friendly when we where in our local pub and i would be not paying as much attention to my ex wife as i should of been.

I know i took her for granted but its easy looking back but i felt like id lost everything and some through my own stupidity.

nine months into the split my ex filed for devorce and put the CSA onto me in the same day.

Christmas was looming too and i felt my world was caving in i would fall asleep anywhere in the house at work on scaffoldings i was a mess.

I had met a grirl in october who was really nice but i still hadnt got over splitting with my ex.

The amount of times i tried think my way out of it telling myself im better of etc to no avail.

Christmas was so hard but i got through it.

I had decided not to take any medication as i tried near the beginging and i felt sucidal.

My devorce was nearing its completion i thought i would be relieved but i wasnt it still hurt and in the same month

April 2011 after a very minor eye operation my father started acting a little strange he was 67 and he was sluring his words. It turned out after thinking he had a little stroke it was more seroius. A xray showed he shadows on his brian and it turned aout to be Lung cancer.

My Dad died in june

In April i went to the doctors again who basicly had a go at me and said i wont take any medication so they couldnt do much.

I reluctanly went onto 20mg of floxatine

to be honest nothing improved i went back after 3 months the put me on 40 mg.

I had started to feel a little better but everytime i thought i was better thats it my hopes where shattered by the same feeling coming back .

Im not sure why im sharing all this i do speak to friends family and my girlfriend who have been there for me its just upsetting that i had to go back to the doctors today and now im on 60 mg of prozac where in august i was thinking of coming of them as i felt better.

Maybe its just more time maybe its never going to be ok maybe i just have to accept the fact ill never be the old me again.

I cant understand why i still have feeling for my ex i dont want them they hurt.

Someone please tell me i can get better

Im really sorry for this pile of drivel ive just wrote just hurting a bit today and im trying to find a way to get it all out and get better

Paul uk

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