Ready for a huge entry? Here goes!
So, when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was working on a post-graduate degree to make my degree in psych useful to the working world. The degree I was working on provided an internship in the field that I was going to be working in.
So, I feel confident- I'm rocking this area, I'm feeling great about the work that I am doing, it's challenging, it's keeping me engaged. It's everything I want in a career. I get a GREAT internship, and the boss loves me there. The co-workers have master's degrees in assorted fields, but they listen and respect my opinions. Man, I felt awesome about myself then! My boss extended my contract until I had to leave to have my daughter, with promises to hire me on when I am ready to enter the workplace again.
Then my boss gets put on leave. Now, since I was a part of the investigation on her, I know what it's all about, and but can't say anything. Yay confidentiality! So, the person in her place doesn't know me, and she sure as heck doesn't want to create a position for me. No problem, says I- I have a great educational background, I can still rock it out.
8 months later, and more than 1000 applications done, I'm desperate. I'd given up finding work in my field, and was grabbing at anything that I could find.
Finally, I get a job in retail as an assistant manager. Not exactly what I wanted, but my husband had been laid off, we had a young daughter, and anything was better than the no income that I was bringing in. I had no mat leave money coming in anymore, and my husband's EI was just not cutting it.
That job lasted a month. Money went missing from a locked safe that only myself and the manager should have had the code for, and I know I didn't take it. Now, apparently, that's not why they fired me, but you do the math. I would do the same in their shoes. The worst part was that they hired behind my back. They fired me, and had a replacement lined up for the next day to start.
So, self-confidence was at 0. All I wanted was to start my life- start paying down student debts, buy a car, buy a house. The regular adult kind of things.
Finally, I get hired on part-time in my field- great, right? Except my boss is really not helping the self-confidence; everything I do is flawed, she has passive aggressive comments about everything that I do.
The worst part is, I identify with what she's telling me. I'm working with a lot of numbers, and being human, sometimes I screw up the numbers in the report. At my previous workplace, we had 3 people check numbers before reports were sent out, and there were errors sometimes- that's why 3 people checked the numbers. At my new place of work, it's me and my manager. My manager who expects perfection the FIRST draft around.
I feel pressed for time a lot, which is a stress I am putting on myself. My boss will ask for how long something will take, I will give a time line, and can't met the deadline that I set. So errors happen, and I feel utterly crappy about myself.
So I spend a lot of time worried about getting fired, or someone getting hired on behind my back to replace me like at my retail job. Every time I miss something, or I get negative feedback, I just feel awful. All the freakin' time. Which bleeds over to my personal life, because I put a lot of emphasis on professional success.
I'm fully willing to admit that the career I have now might not be the one for me. You know what I'd like to do? Socia
