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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

I do lots of things in desperation to feel better...but nothing has been effective yet....

hopefully this program will be effective....

Lack of control....hmmm...I do feel helpless, futile....I do things....it changes nothing....so yes, I do feel a lack of control contributes to my depression. Although I don't feel it is the cause of my depression as I have been this way my entire life and doubt I had stress issues or feelings of futility at age 3!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Good attitude, Brightsunnyday! I hope your persistence pays off and you receive the help you want. It is frustrating that the system has let you down. Feeling a lack of control over life can make one feel depressed. Is that relevant to you?

Is there anything that you are doing daily to help your mood, that you find effective?

Tiana, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

The bad experiences with physicians is not really "recent". It went on for DECADES so it is not that I made a hasty decision to not feel hopeful. I am not sure I understand the question : "is this a "no" if you get a referral". I am on the waiting list, and will accept an appointment when I get in. Although my experience has been bad, I still keep going back! In fact, I saw the last psychiatrist (to-be) as recently as 6 months ago. She was still a student and my time with her ended when her studies ended. I keep trying just in case the next one is helpful.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Hi brightsunnyday,

It sounds that you have had some really bad experiences with the medical professionals you have seen recently. I can understand how this may prevent you from wanting to see physicians in the future.

With regards to being on the waiting list...is this a definitive "no" if you get a referral? I think this may be a good long term option. Please do not think that I am insensitive to your desire to not see a medical doctor. It would just be a shame if the next physician you meet is the one that may be able to shed some light on you situation and help.

In the short term, please keep on logging your moods and the specifics around them. A trend may soon develop that may not be evident now. And please continue sharing your challenges with us.

We are here for you.

Jason, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

What do "I" feel is the cause of my mood issues? Hmmm.. I don't really know, hence the frustration, but nowadays I am thinking I was just born defective. I was always described as a "sad" little girl yet there was nothing wrong with my life. My grandmother was the same; always unhappy even though life was ok. However, I hope differently. I keep hoping it is something simple...like too much indoor air...and as soon as I make a change, I will be cured!

I have started using this website but I am only as far as tracking my thoughts. I am really hoping as I go through the program the "cure" will come. So far I am discouraged as there does not seem to be any connection between the outside world and my depression. Nothing "sad" triggers it. It just "happens". I have not really learned anything new about myself or my depression other than it seems to have a mind of its own.

I am quite proud of myself for surviving this long. A depressive episode is brutal and it is amazing I get so much accomplished despite the frequency of attacks. I am on my own 132 hours a week (out of 168 hours a week) with my 5 children. I work from home so I watch my kids while I work which many people can't do. It is hard enough to just to have a job! Also, I teach my children myself. They do not go to school (well, one does...starting last month). Teaching takes many hours a week. In addition to that I have a small farm/large garden for our food, cook from scratch, and exercise daily. So yes, I am very proud of myself. I should feel great. But I am proud...and depressed. It makes no sense.

I would not consider travelling to see a medical doctor. I have absolutely NO faith in them anymore. I am on a waiting list but I am really not eager to see another doctor. I would LOVE to see a highly acclaimed specialist in natural medicine. However, I have no cash whatsoever. We have not drawn paycheques since June so I don't really have money to pay my current bills and no chance to pay a specialist. The first specialist I will invest in is a chiropractor. My back is damaged and I have excruciating back pain. My spine needs to be popped back into place but I have been waiting for a paycheque so I can go see the chiropractor. Hopefully I will have an appointment by November. He costs less than $100. A specialist in natural medicine would be a minimum of $1000 but probably much more. So it is not about finding the right health professional, but more about affording the right one. I was not always in rural Canada, and did see many medical doctors before and I have had enough of them.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 221

Hi Brightsunnyday,

Thank you for writing.

From what I understand, you’ve seen numerous mental health professionals and have tried many types of medication in you life. You have expressed your frustration with not being given a clear diagnosis or cure. Your current frustration is that you are located in rural Canada, and you have limited access to health professionals. When you can see them, your experiences with them have been frustrating and unhelpful. They have either told you not to worry or have not understood your role as a new mother.

What do you think is the cause of your mood changes? What does your intuition tell you? You know yourself better than anyone else, and can be your best resource.

I understand that you’ve used the depression website, and the tools, but you have not been able to come to an understanding of the cause of your mood changes
I would encourage you to be patient with yourself. Coming to an understanding of what triggers your feelings of changes in mood can take a while. The answers are often complex, and may not be immediately apparent. There is always hope. Moments of insight come at different and unscheduled times. The most important thing is that you are aware of your changes in mood and you are seeking answers.

What is one thing you have learned about yourself and your moods?

In addition, congratulate yourself for all the positives actions you are taking in your life. You are eating well, exercising and independently tracking your moods. This is a lot of work to do while raising children and you should be proud of yourself.

Also, is there any way you can travel to see a health professional?
Finding a good mental health professional can take time. It can be frustrating and discouraging at times, but I encourage you to find a professional who is a good fit.

Members, can you provide your own experiences with finding a mental health professional that is right for you?

Helena, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

I saw my first psychiatrist at age 7. I have since seen other psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers. The diagnosis is always different. The first one told my parents that I just wasn't getting enough affection. Not sure what the second one said (I was so young) but after awhile I was not required to see him anymore so I figure he thought I was "cured". Some called it severe clinic depression, some just PMS, one said I was having panic attacks and several said that I was just having reactions to stress. I was given a multitude of drugs to try and every one of them made me worse. Even counselling just made me frustrated!

As I am in rural Canada now, it is not like I get a lot of choice of who I get to see as a doctor. The waiting lists are years and years long. The last doctor I was able to see (about 2 years ago) told me I was just having panic attacks and not to worry about it. Big help. I was able to get access to a psychologist-in-training this past spring. My visits with her were so frustrating. She was so young and idealistic that I felt she could not understand a word I said. I had a newborn baby that went with me everywhere (I was breastfeeding) and she asked me to leave the baby at home and give myself some "me" time. The stress of leaving my newborn behind was unbearable so needless to say I started missing a lot of meetings and then her school time ended and so did my access. I am currently on a waiting list but I don't expect to get in to see anyone for a very long time.

So....this website is about my only hope....

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Brightsunnyday,

I can see how this would be very frustrating. Know that we are here listening.

I wish I had the right advice to help you with this, all I can say is to keep working at it and I really encourage you to see a doctor for a diagnoses and help. I am not a doctor but if you feel your moods are not at all related to the environment or your thought processes then seeking medical treatment is important. I know that you have not had positive experiences with doctors in the past but sometimes it takes time to find a doctor who is the right fit for you. To date, what has your approach been in seeking medical help?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 60

I feel so discouraged right now. I have recently started this program. I did the Goals. I am eating pretty well...better than most I would think. That is, I eat mostly vegetarian foods, organic, homegrown and homemade, very little dairy, lots of seeds, raw vegetables and fruits. I try to exercise 5 days a week for at least an hour. 2 of those sessions are at karate class with my kids. Otherwise I walk, swim, stationary bike, stretches and weights etc. I did the Pleasant Activities and took time to watch movies, a TV show, daily reading etc. But I found that my mood did not change after the pleasant activity. It always stays the same. Now I am keeping a Thought Record. And I find that my mood changes for no apparent reason. Example: today. At 10 am I was feeling great. I sent emails with smileys on them, was laughing and giggling. Then at noon when a friend called, I just didn't feel like talking to her. And my emails started to irritate me. My kids started to annoy me (they were not doing anything different, I just now found them annoying). By 12:15 I found that my brow was furrowed and I was frowning/glaring. My mood changed in a matter of minutes but I had not done anything different. I expected to be enlightened and find the secrets that trigger my negative moods but instead I feel hopeless. If the outside word has nothing to do with my depression and nothing I change changes anything for me, then is there any hope that I can ever eliminate depression?

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