Well, I've booked a flight. What I'll do when I get there, I don't know. Either hug him or punch him in the nose. during this same time period I'll be preparing for an important job interview. AND, my doctor has started me on sleeping pills, to see if I can get more than four hours sleep a night.
And (last one), where is Catherine (Diva)? If you're there, Catherine, we miss you.
I think what you are experiencing is quite normal and no differerent to my own feelings each time I found out that my Grandparents were terminally ill ( my parents are alive and well). Each of them were kind and loving and had lived long and fruitful lives, but at the end they all were suffering from various degenerative illnesses - cancer, Parkinsons, dementia - and no longer had any sort of quality of life. Death comes as a release from this suffering and we take comfort from this.
What I'm trying to say is you may well have 'not cared' if your Stepfather had been a much better person than you portray him.
Have some compassion with yourself. It sounds like the feelings you are having are completely normal and even to be expected. You are clearly a good person as your main concern is your sister.
Members, please share your thoughts and experiences.
My stepfather (but the only father I've ever known), was a drunk, mean-spirited, grouch. To be nice about it.
Apparently he's changed in the 30 years since I left home. And I guess I haven't. I would hate to be psychoanalyzed about this.
My main concern is my sister, who is very close to him.
I suppose I feel a little guilt about not feeling anything else. And a little scared that I can be so uncaring, because I really try to be a good person. I try really hard.
I am sorry to hear this. Although your father is not gone what you are going through now could be a form of guilt. Remember that everyone and every incident like this can be experienced differently. First of all, are you aware of the 7 stages of grief? Shock and Denial is the first stage. Could this be what you are going through?
It also can be a bit more complicated then that. Check out the Auxiliary Session on Grief and Loss. Especially the page on stages of grief as this may help you come to a better understanding of what you are going through.
We are here to listen and support you through this.
It is clear that you do care because otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. How is this confusion or lack of feeling affecting you?
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