Hello all,
As I was reading the comments, I am reminded of my doctor insisting I must have negative core beliefs to be depressed, but...I basically feel ok about myself. He was just incredulous that I could feel that way but have major, life-threatening depression anyway. I guess there are still misconceptions about aspects of depression.
However, I have been struggling some anxiety. I think it is based on unwelcome, insidious thoughts that keep creeping in my mind. I wouldn't necessarily call these negative core beliefs, just intrusive thoughts. I am not sure what the difference is.
Some examples are: I have to intern as a teacher this fall. I am very scared each time I think about it. I get gripped with anxiety, thinking there is no way I can do this. But then, I tell myself right afterwards that I always do well in school (I really believe it, but the anxiety is still there). Also, if I have to go somewhere new (such as a new school, a new restaurant, a new doctor), I get gripped with anxiety, worrying that I won't find my way, I will be late, or I won't know what to do when I get there. But, again, I have always done just fine in such situations. I truly believe that everything is going to be ok, yet I still have that awful anxiety. Until I experience the anxiety producing event (until I actually intern, until I actually go to the new place), I will continue to worry. Afterwards, I will feel fine.
I have a little motto I have learned to get me through this: "Just do it scared." And when I was in the deepest of depressions: "Just do it scared and tired." LOL!
But, I have also noticed that I tend to isolate myself (turn down teaching or job opportunities, not going anywhere new. This isolation has led to increased depression.
I just wish I could get the anxiety under control. I know 100% that I will be just fine in such situations (I always am), but I panic and worry anyway. It's almost like a sneeze or a yawn, an involuntary reflex.
Jason and Samantha: What would you suggest as a way to stop or overcome this annoying anxiety that leads to isolation? Would you consider this issue to be a negative core belief? I already know I am being silly, and I am always ok in such situations.
Pete: It sounds like you have really come along way. I think, if you could sneak a peek into other people's minds, many people feel they have to put a mask on to be acceptable and loved by others. Maybe that's just another lie we tell ourselves. Maybe it's ok to fail sometimes and be pretty unlovable sometimes. Maybe we don't have to be perfect. Maybe it's ok to make some pretty bad mistakes but learn from them and make different choices in the future. Maybe it's ok to reach out and ask for help, putting ourselves in a vulnerable position, yet opening up an opportunity that we deny ourselves by not asking. I have really enjoyed your posts Pete! Keep sharing!
Stacy: I actually do what you said: blame myself for any bad stuff. But my blame just has a lot of anxiety associated with it, is usually irrational, and completely goes away in one or two days (a week at the most). I am not sure why, but I get completely stressed out for about 48 hours (to the point of intense guilt and panicking), then it's as if the event never happened (expect for those times when I did truly mess up! those kind of stick around for years). Just the fact that you are here on the board, seeking help, working through the program, and giving others great, uplifting advice means that you are more than deserving. You are kind, hardworking, diligent, and want to get better. You sound like a very deserving person to me! I think we are so hard on ourselves, but we don't really deserve our own harshness. I hope you contin
