Also, overcoming mistakes and shame is something I struggled with for years but am doing much better now. I'll share with you what has helped me.  First, I was terribly ashamed by some of the things I did in my past. I came to realize: 1) I am ashamed because the people around me told me I was wrong (were they right?), 2) I decided that what was in the past, was in the past, and I was a different person now than I used to be, I now make different choices, my old choices were for my old self, my new choices are for my new self, 3) I know that everyone makes mistakes and poor choices in life, there is not a single human being out there who has not made mistakes, can you imagine if we were all required to wear a shirt that had the mistakes listed out? I am confident that my own mistakes (because we all feel our mistakes are the worst) would pale in comparison to others. 4) who are these people who keep telling me I am wrong? Who gave them the right to judge me like that (ok, if I were killing people they would have a right to say something, but I wasn't). Why was I measuring my own self-worth based on others' opinion of me? So I eventually reasoned it all out and forgave myself for things that "I" actually felt were true mistakes. Then I changed my behavior to not repeat those mistakes (although I make new ones, but who doesn't!).
 
This may help or not, just take it for what it is: my own experiences. In the end, I came away with a much more realistic view of myself, and I became OK with that person, mistakes and all (the mistakes don't go away, they just get absorbed in a more accepting way).
 
I highly recommend the program.  I am only on section 4, but I am finding the exercises are making me more aware of my thinking. I have a long way to go until I get to the beliefs section. I am on the thought-records section and am already seeing "patterns" of thinking that I would not have identified without the exercises.
 
Some people my ask, "What good is being more aware of something? I still feel it and my behavior doesn’t change." But, I think it will prove valuable in the end. For example, what if I had an unknown pain on my head, and I felt bad because no one else felt this way. Maybe I would compare myself to others and feel that they don't have the same problem, I must be damaged somehow. Eventually, I get desperate enough to seek help. After much searching and analysis, the person helping, with my input, finds a big, hairy spider living in my hair that bites me every time I move. Nasty.  Maybe even a bad analogy. But my point is, until I find the "spider that bites" in my mind, I can't pluck it out (or at least cut it's little teeth off so it can't bite anymore).

So sometimes just being aware of specific issues (not those vague ones like "I am a bad person"), such as I don't say "Hi" to my neighbors because they may not like me, can be changed. In that example, a person may try saying "Hi" a few times and see what happens.
 
I think the more specific we are with issues, the more we can make small changes to start feeling better. I don't think I will ever overcome all of my issues, but I think I can overcome a few (no matter how small they are) and be ok with that.
 
I have never found anyone to be "easy" to be around. Everyone seems to have varying levels of get-alongness.
 
So you sound just about right and “normal” to me.  :  )

Hi Pete,
 
For me, finding out a belief may need to re-evaluated helps me determine my next course of action. Again, like I said before, I may not change my behavior, but at least, through increased awareness, I now have the "option" of changing it if I want to. Sometimes, just having the "option" makes me feel better, not as trapped.
 
Also, I notice that your list of beliefs is very long. I am sure I have a list just as long, but seeing a huge list like that makes me feel defeated before I even start. For me, I just pick one (probably the easiest one) and think about it (I may actually do something about in the future!). I like choosing the simpler problems to tackle first because early success gives me confidence to try it again with other things.

"But for my behavior to be able to change, to find the strength and motivation to act as a real person would, the underlying beliefs must have changed first. Catch-22."

This really makes sense to me. I am also finding myself feeling like this is a chicken and the egg problem. While I don't know what to do about that, I do want to point out that you are already a "real" person.  :  )

Just because you would rather stay home and you feel down sometimes (or a lot) does not make you any less real than the Pollyannas (a mythical creature in my mind) of the world.  The more I come to understand people, the more I think everyone is hurting inside to one degree or another, and everyone has secrets of one kind or another. It just seems like some people have coping techniques better than others to deal with these feelings. I guess my point here is I need to develop better ways to deal with feelings and behaviors that causes more pain in my life as opposed to just hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich and hoping it will all go away.

But, even with these issues, I still feel "real" and I am confident that you are too.

Samantha, Health Educator

"Spiky"  Haha! I have never heard that term used to describe a person before, but I love it.  :  )
 
Can I borrow it to use on some people I know. It would fit perfectly.  I usually think of them as bristly, but spiky works better I think.
 
I am the opposite of spiky; I guess that makes me blunt or dull, whatever that means.
 
I think I like the idea of calling these "truths" we tell ourselves or just plain old "beliefs" whether they are positive or negative. Calling my beliefs negative makes me sound like a bad person and a failure. I know some of my beliefs are in need of revision, but I don't like being told that I carry around broken thoughts in my head.
 
I looked into some deeper reasons why I may have a strong distrust for people, and I learned that it may be because I feel inherently threatened or in danger by them, basically a general unsafe feeling. I also learned that it makes me skeptical (that is no surprise), unsure, and hesitant. I try to anticipate and protect myself. This probably taints or ruins any relationship I may have from the start.
 
While I could go into lengthy details of "why" I am probably like this, I think, for my own mental health and lasting recovery from depression, I should just look at the belief as it stands now and work on moving past it.
 
I think I probably should just take risks and allow people into my little world regardless of what might happen. So they say something hurtful, or share what I say, or not hold up to their promises. Are these things I can get over? Or are they life and death issues? I suspect that they are small hurts that I can learn to get over. I need to try to work up the courage to see the good in people and allow them in. Who knows, I may actually find someone who is very trustworthy!
 
I know this post is all about me and how I am challenging/testing my own beliefs, but I figure, someone out there may find it helpful also.

I've had some lively discussions with my psychotherapist on the subject of core beliefs. She prefers the term 'unhelpful' to 'negative'. She seems to consider it essential to challenge unhelpful beliefs with logical, rational thought, and works from the assumption that all such beliefs are necessarily mistaken. My contention is that they are not always mistaken, and examining them deeper with logical thought just deepens them, if and when they are true.

I have been thinking about this topic, and I wonder how many of these beliefs are really true and how many of them are something we keep in our minds that are not based on reality.
 
Granted, I am sure they all apply to "some" people, but maybe not "all" people.
 
For example, I was thinking about my belief and wondering how often this has happened to me (been hurt by an untrustworthy person), and I realized that it has only happened rarely.  Probably the worst was my mom. She used to make promises to me all the time (like: you can get a kitty, we will go shopping together, I'll take you to "insert location here"). She broke absolutely every single promise she ever made to me. As silly as it sounds, I always believed her as a child, but as I grew, I learned to be skeptical about her promises, expecting her to break them. She really had good intentions and probably was just a poor time manager. I am sure she had no idea how much this hurt me.  So I guess what I am saying is that she probably set the stage for me to not trust anyone.
 
I wracked my brain and could only come up with one more instance: A guy I used to know came to me at my work and begged for money (it was a legit need). He wrote me a check and I gave him cash (only $20). The check bounced; I never heard from him or saw him again after that day. I was pretty bitter at him for a few years after that because I am sure he knew his check would bounce, and he would never pay me back, but...I now realize that our friendship was way more important than $20. I wish I had just given it to him as a gift. I think his guilt kept him away. I miss him and am sorry that this happened. That is why all money I loan now is always a gift.
 
So, after a lot of thought, this was all I could come up with. Now, why would I base all of humanity on just two instances? I am guessing it was the early experience of broken promises. I also have never given anyone else a chance to hurt me again like that. Most likely, there are trustworthy people out there, and I am doing myself a disservice staying alone all the time.
 
Another reason I think there may be trustworthy people is because I am extremely trustworthy. I would take a secret to the grave if I promised it; I always follow through on promises (or in the case of an emergency, always call the person and make sure I make it up later); I always pay back any money borrowed (I rarely borrow); I always try to return any favors; I can be counted on in an emergency; I am always sincere, dependable, and reliable; I would never lie, cheat or steal from someone, and I feel absolutely shattered if I let someone down or hurt someone in any way (I would rather be hurt than someone else).
 
Ok, I am also an extreme perfectionist and probably am way too trustworthy (to a fault) which probably causes my anxiety because, who can actually live up to the expectations I set for myself?  :  )
 
So anyway, I just cannot imagine that I am the only trustworthy person on this planet. There must be others. Knowing this probably won't change my behavior, but maybe it will change my cynicism and negative thinking a bit. 
 

Here's a selection of mine: