But the truth is, I miss his emotional support. I miss being able to look to him for reassurance. I miss being able to discuss certain worries with him. Mostly, I miss being held. He holds me a lot less. He holds me now, almost exclusively if I am doing well. When I am freaking out or crying, he just shuts down to weather the storm. His absence hurts me more than I can explain. I miss his arms around me, I miss the contact of him grounding me. I miss the safety of his arms letting me know I will be ok. Now, when I finally can’t hold it in and freak out or cry, I am all alone, bobbing, floating on the raging sea, trying not to drown, no buoy to help me. During those moments I feel like I have lost him, I miss him. Part of him is gone from me, inaccessible and that absence has left a void in my existence that cannot be filled.
His embrace was always home to me, a safe haven in a cruel world. Now I am left alone, lost and cold with no Sanctuary from the Storm…
Guardian (colour) by Selina Fenech
