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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey guys,

Thanks for all the replies!

Me and my hubby did not talk yesterday. He came home and went straight to bed without talking to me. But this morning I told him we needed to talk. And after a few harsh words and some tense moments we did manage to get a good dialogue going. He even stopped playing hi video games while we talked. We spoke for 45 minutes about. Then he asked for a time out. I think by then he was on overload. So we decided we had done enough for today. He did say we could take it back up tomorrow though which is a good sign, I think. So I am not sure what to think for now but that is where things sit.

There have been some tense moments today between me and him but no fights. I think me being so tired and cranky and anxious and sad is not helping the tension. But I have been trying to take good care of myself today.

Wildcat- I so often feel like running over his computer with the car! But I doubt that would be a solution lol. Thanks for letting me know you understand though!

Faryal- Yes at least he came home. I am not sure what to learn from this. I know now that we need some serious discussions but I already knew that lol. I really do want to reconcile though. I think there is a lot more to this then I comprehend. I guess I will just hve to try and talk more with him and see. I think I might be starting to get some understanding though and that is a start.

Mom of 3- I do want to reconcile. And yes, this fight started with something so stupid but I know there is more to it then that underneath it all. My husband doesn't talk much so it is a painstaking process to figure out what is his perspective on things and what is bothering him. It makes having a good idea of what is going on very difficult! But we did talk and we ae supposed to talk again tomorrow. For the most part we are doing our own little thing seperately today. But considering I am exhausted, it might be best. But yes, t is a long difficult road.HAng in there, so will I.

Rose- Yeah maybe he is an addict. I do not know how a video game addict is defined. But eyah he might be. He might also be depressed. Who knows. I guess I have enough problems of my own to focus on though. I guess he will have to take care of his own. Oh bleh! I don't know I am tired. I love him and I want to fix things with him. That is all I know for sure atm. As for unplugging things, I don't think that is possible for now.I guess I will have to work around it. We are trying to talk though.

As for peeing in all for corners, it nearly came to it. Glad it gave you a chuckle lol. Gave me one too!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

dear diva - he is an addict and you can't reason with addicts. i'm trying to do that now and have been for years, you can't do it on your own. it's too big! i've been thinking intervention and tough love today, the more i am writing here this morning, the better i am feeling. i'm not going to give up!!!! if you can't find a counselor, try this: unplug! unplug the games, the tv and talk to each other. write letters to each other. that helps me, i think?!@# of maybe i am just making things worse. men don't want to talk it seems, some men, i don't want to generalize, but they have to! if not, you're just talking to yourself

you do have a wonderful sense of humor, i am picturing the peeing in all 4 corners

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Hi Diva,

I'm sorry that you had to endure such an evening. I know how you feel and it does sound like you'd like to reconcile with your husband. It there a compromise that you two can make? Some of the biggest fights happen over something small, but the underlying issue is something else. I hope that you both can work out your issues and stop avoiding each other. I'm not sure what that will take, it is a long and difficult road in many cases. I know it is in mine.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hello Diva,

Glad to see that your husband came home safe and sound. As horrible as it was for you to endure the time worrying and agonzing over him, atleast he did finally come home.

Diva.........did you learn anything from this past experience? Is there something from this that you can take forward with you in order to avoid such pain in the future?

I hope you have had a chance to reconcile with your husband.........it sounds like that is what you would like to do.

Hope today is a better day for you both.

Faryal, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

oh diva.

i am so sorry you both had that ugly fight.

i know that video games are a problem... and in my husband's family there are several ADDs. One year many moons ago I threathen to throw the ps1 into the street if i did not get Equal time on the TV at prime time.

ps1 18months later was in a garage sale and we only had the computer for 2 years (no internet 10 years ago).

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hubby came home. Said nothing to me and just went to bed...Sorry for the venting. Had had such a lovely day.

Well tomorrow is another day. You know what they say: The sun will come out, tomorrow... :P

Have a good day!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi,

Thank you goofy and Mom of 3. I really appreciate your replies and your support it means a ton to me. When you drop in, even just to say you care, it means a ton and makes me feel so much less alone. I am going to post this without replying to other stuff for now as I am not feeling really up to being useful to anyone. So sorry for just dropping in and whining and venting lol. I will read other posts when I feel more up to it.

So here is what is up with me.

Hubby left. We fought. Over what? Over territory. He says I hog the t.v./ living room. I told him I have nowhere else to hang. He has the little bedroom / office. That room is his. I only go there when he wants company or to print things. I don't have that. I don't have a room. But still, since I am most often in the living room, since he has the office and plays there (video games) alot. He expects that he should be able to just commandeer the living room when he wants it. I couldn't commandeer the office whenever I want though...So yeah we fought over territory. Shocked neither of us peed in all four corners of the room...I told him I felt like I have nowhere, like if he throws me out of the living room I have nowhere...He figures he is the one who has nowhere and that he is stuck in the office and has nowhere to go. What a mess...

Anyway, not exactly sure how things went, it is all a blurr now...Anyway, he took his car keys and left. I asked him where he was going, he said:"I don't know.". I asked are you going to come home? He said: "Probably not, I don't know." I said ok well can you at least call me if you land somewhere for the night so I don't stay up all night worried you are in a ditch or somthing. He said:"...". Yup nothing at all, he just left. I told him to be careful. Asked him to call me once again. Again no answer. And he gets into his car and he just drives away, no goodbyes, no wave, no I will call you. Nothing. Not a word. And he is gone.

I don't know if he will be back. So for now I am up and I am waiting. I am sitting here holding one of his old t-shirts because it smells like him. I am here terrified something bad will happen to him as he drives around angry in the midlle of the night. Waiting.Waiting to see if he comes home. Waiting to see if he sleeps somehwere for the night, to see if he calls me, to see if he is safe. I just wait anxiously with my heart pounding...I had had a good day...had...

All of this because I wanrted to finish my stupid kiddie movie when he wanted the t.v...

Life s**ks. It really really s**ks!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

Just wanted to say hi and that I hope things settle down for you. I don't feel like much help to you but wanted you to know I care just the same.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Diva, I am glad your back! It sounds those things may be not on the upswing, you are taking it all in stride. I am glad you had a good trip!

Diva I go and let myself do pleasant fun activities and say a few curse words about the house. I'm not good at balancing. but I have managed to have more fun since I started this program. I did have on tiny success today. I cleaned my bathroom and dressing area. I can actually find something now (make-up, toothbrush, you know those things). I also organized my meds AGAIN. I feel I accomplished something. Then crashed and slept for 5 hours during the day. then went and had some fun and now for my computer time (I think the house may fall in around me).

I hope the other issues work out for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Ok,

Well on the up side, my trip went really well. I had a very nice time and it ended up being relaxing.

Coming home was tougher as my home is a mess. Over a week later, it is still a mess. Sorry I was AWOL I was in one of my "falling off the face of the earth" phases.

I have been very tired and unmotivated. I manage nothing. I can't get anything done. Then when I want to do something that seems fun I don't because I feel guilty because I did nothing productive. As if I have to earn the right to do something nice for myself. So since my house is a zoo (and a messy one at that) I don't give myself the right to do anything too pleasant. Oye!

On top of it, I feel anxious since nothing is getting done. And since my husband is also depressed and is kind of a gaming addict, I can't count on him to help. I feel so alone and overwhelemd. And this all makes me feel extremely anxious!

Oh, that and we are broke and I do not have a job. Oh and I can't seem to get a marriage counsellor we can afford!

Well, that is it for me, you all have a good evening.

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