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How do you accept you have depression?

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How do you accept you have depression?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Pete, I am so sorry to hear about your father's death. It will be a year in November that dad has been gone a year. Unbelievable how losing our parents effects our life.

Applying that to the topic.....it is more tangible. I do think we can make it more tangible for us. With us both having lost parents recently, I hope not to step on your toes nor to worsen your thinking.

But I was thinking about an autoposy of myself. What did I have, what do I have - of course, we know the cause - those short-wired little neurotransmitters, but looking at what we had, what we STILL HAVE! Looking at what are goals were, looking at what are goals ARE! Things we were grateful for then, Things we are grateful for NOW!

I catch myself saying some many times ....I used to..... referring to pre-morbid functioning (pre-depression days).

One way I've learned to cope with my mom's death 3 years ago and dads death last year was to remember the good times. If I get sad, I think of those happy times, a funny thing that happened. I'm not saying I still don't get overwhelmed with emotions, but focusing on what did happen when they were around in stead of dwelling on them not being here is definitely a coping mechanism.

Taking that same concept and applying it to me with depression - I can't focus on what I used to be, how articulate I used to be, how I loved to go and do, be the life of the party, tell jokes, hang out with friends, work, school, civic duties, volunteering, parenting, yada yada yada. If Ihave to focus on who I am now. I have difficulty accepting invitations to go places though I make myself. I want to sleep all the time, I want things done but lack the perserverence to get them done. I can't get my words to come out of my mouth (when speaking), my thoughts get jumbled, I have difficulty concentrating, I isolate. Geez, I can go on and on just like each of you. However, I think the key is to focus on where I am going. I am going to remember the good times, I am going to miss what I lost, I don't necessarily like that I have to live without those things today, but I can't make things any different, therefore I am going to work with what I have to day. Is it realistic to get it "all" back. I don't know. But I know it's realistic to try!

Pete, It is also great to see you again. Do you play the guitar and if so what kind of music?

I hope what I said makes sense, you were a bit more concise in your comments. This is my fragmented mind at the end of the day. lol

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi again, Goofy. Nice to see you around again.

I agree with what you say about grieving for a lost part of ourselves. I've not thought of depression like that before, but I lost my father earlier this year, and my grieving for him (which is ongoing) feels much like my depression, with the same attendant feelings of guilt, anger, guilt about the anger (ad infinitum), helplessness, stomach-churning loss etc...

But easier in the long run to accept that my father has gone - I was there when he died, spent time with his body, saw him cremated - than to accept that some part of me, some complex of capabilities and emotions and energies, is gone for good. I can remember myself 20-30 years ago, almost reach out and touch that younger person, but can't recapture what was inside him, and that is maddening. It is like unresolved grief - grieving for a death never witnessed or confirmed, a body never buried.

Do I make sense? You've set off a train of thought here, Goofy, and it's kind of spilling out with no particular organisation or order. But basically, I get what you're saying, I think.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

When I first was diagnosed with depression (MDD) I had difficulty accepting it as well though that was the furtherest thing from my mind -accepting it. But once the medication was finally "right", I was able to do things to help myself - I started having the same issue of acceptance. I kept reading alot of posts on here about "control". In my opinion, it's the same iwth any chronic illness, we have to accept as part of the grieving process. I often refer to my pre-morbid functioning and comparie it to how I am today (not recommended) instead of being grateful that I am who I am, can function in dependently for the most part again, have been diagnosed with something I can live with and there are treatments out there available to help me if I so choose.

So if you lost my point in that jumble of chatter - I said I think it is hard to accept because it's grieving for a part of us who /that no longer exists opinions?

I agree with Pete that we can "use" out depression to get pity and sympathy, etc. HOwever, that is a choice we make in some situations (poor dad he...) and a necessity (not being able to function at work) in others. We have to choose wisely where it's appropriate and where it isn't.

I am learning to talk about my depression with others (people I care about not just anyone) now. Before I wouldn't share about my depression or how life's little things effected me. I think this is part of that acceptance. I honestly think it was easier to accept my parents death (due to tthe finality of it) than it has been to accept my dx of MDD and the residual effects.

I think by sharing with others in an educating manner abut my depression that I am advocating for people with disabilities. Though who have known me for years to those who've only known me for a little while have all learned alot about depression and I, learned alot about it too, from y'all, books, physicians, research, therapists, etc. Again, I use gratitude to see me through alot of times. I'm grateful for what I have positive in my life to not focus on the negative things and how the depression effects me. (it works for longer periods of time).

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Personally, I have found it helpful to have the label/self-diagnosis of 'depression'. Means I can blame my shortcomings on this nebulous state/mental illness rather than myself.
Deep down, I think I know that I'm not really depressed - the way I'm feeling and have done for several years is a totally reasonable and rational reaction to a broken and squandered life. But, of course, that is not something that is easy to face. Much better to have an illness to blame it on, and to tell other people about. It helped my family a lot, to believe that dad has a chemical imbalance in the brain, not that he's just a miserable waste of space for no reason. Same with my employers - they have been much more sympathetic with my chronic absenteeism.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Windsy,

I think that is one of my biggest struggles. How embarassing to have to admit that I can't deal with life like anyone else. Part of the problem is that most anyone that has been in my life hasn't understood either. "Snap out of it!" is a phrase I hear often. Or, "Get over it!" Stuff like that. Is it possible that no one else in my life has ever felt depression?

Maybe if I could accept it myself, I could help those around me accept it as well.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Windsy,

Nice discussion topic! I am interested to hear what others have to say. I found this quote the other day and I thought of some of the things you said about mental illness so I thought I would share it now:

“Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.” - Bill Clinton

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi There:

Does anybody struggle with the fact that they have been diagnosed with

depression, which is a mental illness? Has the stigma of having a mental

illness in the community be so strong, that we hide it. How have other

members got over the stigma of having depression?

How do other members cope with this struggle? I have had depression

for over 15 years, and this weekend is when I finally realized, I DO have

a mental illness. Now my family is finally wanting to find out more info on

how to help me the best, which is a start. Before they ignored it and I was

just being very difficult & moody etc....Thanks...I would be interested in

knowing how others felt.

Windsy

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How do you accept you have depression?