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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?

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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Lily,

Was just wondering how things were going for you?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

I am feeling much better. I was not teased this week because a lot of changes were happening. I can say that time does take away the sting and the thoughts. New week and new things to worry pushing out the past thoughts away. I do wonder if the teasing continued and how I would react.

My thoughts on last week: I was overgeneralizing and focused on my negatives. I believed their negative comments and I searched for all the evidence of those incidents while ignoring the times I did not make mistakes. What good is it to do this to myself? Answer: Self realization that I do cause trouble? And yet if I do make a lot mistakes, what can I do to change this about myself? Nothing really, so why blame myself? Ultimately, it really hurts that the negative things I believe about myself are also validated by the people who "should" be dismissing these thoughts. I caught my own distortion: don't expect everyone to be nice all the time.

What is the lesson that I am supposed to learn from this? What can I do better the next time my self esteem is shot down?

I remember that exact moment the teasing happened and telling myself that I "should" not let other people control my emotions. This did not help: I could feel the tears and trying to hide from other people. This "should" could also be a thought distortion? Maybe a rational thought could be: It is okay to feel this way. I am hurting from their comments and I will hurt for awhile but I will eventually forget about it. I know I don't make mistakes all the time, other people make mistakes too but they were just focusing on me too much. And if I do make a lot more mistakes more than others: I will just need to slow down and try to remember the times I did my work correctly. Or, physically, I could be feeling down for the last few months causing me to make more mistakes than usual. I could have stood up for myself but I don't have the courage or the say it with diplomacy.

Wow, long message. Anyways, I think I am making progress.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Lily,

I like the name change

Good work!

How are you doing today?

Hang in there, and please keep us posted on how you are doing,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

Well, for one thing, I am changing my name to Lily instead of Moody since I am guilty of putting a negative label on myself.

Thank you for the great suggestions. Some did make me smile. I agree that putting the suggestions into action can be quite uncomfortable. I have had bad experiences with confronting people as I am not calm when I talk about it and clever comebacks don't come out when I am nervous. If I make an issue out of it, I am afraid that I will appear too serious and not have a sense of humor. I am very confused: maybe I am just jumping to conclusions: half the time they are very supportive and do credit me when I do complete or suggest something but the other half, well, they are picking on a scab and not letting it heal.

My usual way of handling this is to say nothing. And, in time, I will have something else to worry or get upset about. From your responses Wildcat and Ashley, I can see that I don't need to bother myself about it. Let the hurt feelings come and go.

On the other hand, I see this as a learning experience: to focus mainly on people's positives too rather than their negatives. Also, maybe its time to take work seriously and find what I would like to do with my life.

If others have been in this kind of situation, would you share how the situation was dealt with? Successfully and Unsuccessfully? I kind of dread going to work tomorrow but I have to get on with it.

Thanks for the supportive words. It means a lot.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Moody,

There is nothing wrong with you. If people are labelled something the label can act as a self fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you keep telling a child he is a bad kid then in time he will think he is a bad kid and he will act accordingly. The same goes for you. If everyone always makes fun of you because you make mistakes, your self esteem suffers and you think all the time, "don't make a mistake, don't make a mistake." Don't you think it would be a lot easier to not make mistakes if people stopped making you worry about it so much? There are a few things you can do.

You can talk to someone at your work about it. They may not be realizing how much they are hurting you. Carefully consider what you are going to say before you do confront someone. I would suggest approaching one person and not the whole group.

If you are uncomfortable with this you will have to do your best to reframe your thinking. Its really a shame that your workplace is not more supportive but don't let them make you stressed and worried. Do they not have anything else in their lives more interesting to talk about? I'm sure we have other members who can suggest how they have dealt with difficult people in the past.

Members please give suggestions on how moody can reframe her thinking.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

wow. Moody

is it really true that you are 'not good at Anything (you) do' ?

+at home

+for your pleasure

+family & friends

+pets

***

I think you are brave and strong to hold your head high and face these people every day!!!

You still have the positive thought that it is humorous teasing and not negative mean-spirited put-downs.

***

Moody,

I think that it would be safe to say something along the lines of....

"the first time it was funny, now the running joke is getting old and wearing thin"

"I think I have been the subject of enough chatter, perhaps we could find a more interesting topic for a conversation?"

and like with any bunch of children

... the flavour of the month will soon change!

(sorry I had to add my own funny to make you smile a bit)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 43

This is a thought record that I need help working on that is an ongoing issue with me:

These last few years at work has not been great.I really don't know why I am here so long. [magnification; focusing on the negative].

How do you deal with people who pick on me for making mistakes, a lot of mistakes? They don't get mad but they are starting to joke around that I am the one who always causes trouble and so I have been labeled. My coworkers used to defend me but now they now join in the laughs. At one of the meetings, they started to joke to the whole group instead of the few of us that I am the person who has the greatest amount of mistakes. I really don't know if I should be offended but I feel really hurt that they would focus on my negative qualities. Am I just too sensitive? Should I just pretend it never happened?

Today, I did it again. My computer was slow because I had too used up too much memory and I had to ask tech support for help. My coworker had a field day with this. He laughed and said "There you go again. You really did it good this time. Do you know she is always breaking things?" I was mortified and tried to fight back tears. It was just a computer problem. Why does the problem have to be me? Maybe I am just taking his comment too seriously. I tried to stay out of the limelight but I could not this time.

I realize I do cause trouble where ever I go. I have noticed that in the past and with one or two of my friends putting me down in front of everyone. At work, they are making jokes at my expense. Which is worse? I could say that I am just focusing on the negative but it happens more frequently than I care to mention. The evidence is there that I have this negative energy. I really don't know how to deal with this feeling that people are right about me. Do I just accept that I am trouble maker and let them make fun of me? Or do I just wait it out in hopes that they will forget about it? How do I quiet this loss of self esteem I am feeling?

I just feel really down that I am not good at anything I do.

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How do I deal with people at work or how do I deal with my thoughts about them?