Hiya WildCat,
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I wish I had something to help you out, you are always so helpful to me!
I am sorry to hear your dreams are not coming true for you yet. I am also sorry to hear you need a vacation and cannot afford one. As for sleeping to escape I completely understand.
As for your Pdoc, don't let him tell you what you can or cannot handle. I had a Pdoc who thought I would be on heavy medication and unable to function for the rest of my life basically. Well, I go for long periods of times with no meds and do very well and I got a university degree! So there, showed him! I even made it into a doctorate's program! You are the one who knows your limits!
As for sleep issues, it could be a blessing in disguise. My husband was always tired and all that. We discovered he had sleep issues. since he was helped for his sleep he feels much better. It could be the same for you!
As for getting your meds upped, well I can understand that issue. Anytime I have to get more meds or go back on them after a period without them I find it difficult. But in the long run the important thing is that I do what is most helpful to me. Hopefully this will help you.
As for telling about mental health issues leading to boring tasks I hear you. and that is so stupid. Part of what makes you so bored at work is the lack of variety. It makes it hard to stay focused. It is completely counterproductive!
As for that nasty lady, well, she did not deserve you. Some people are just miserable human beings who cannot recognize great people if they fell on them! I hope you manage to let go of that as you are wonderful and intelligent and insightful and caring and lovely! She definitely did not deserve you!
Sometimes, it is hard to fit in at work, I get it. At school, I often feel like an outsider from the other students. I don't quite know how to interact with them successfully. When it really gets to me, I remind myself of the friends I do have and my family who love me and remind myself that if people aren't nice to me, I don't really want them in my life anyway. I know there might be little comfort in my words for you I wish I had better. I just find you are so wonderful and I wish I could just make you see it!
As for the charity sale, well some people are just stupid! some people are snobs and can't see the beauty that is around them if it hit them between the eyes!
I Hope you feel better and regain stability and energy. Through your posts I have discovered a wonderful, creative, intelligent woman. You are in my thoughts!