I know I haven't been here a while but things seemed to be going quite well. I am just feeling terrible right now. My job is draining me and I am going to have to go back to working night shifts (this is when the hubby cheated on me). I am desperately looking for another job, but nothing. My best friend has announced that he is no longer my friend- this nearly broke my heart. My beloved pet died this weekend. I am exhausted. I feel really alone right now. My husband is being supportive but I feel like I am pushing him away. I just feel like everyone I love hurts me, betrays me. I don't understand why I seem to attract dissappointment. I am wearing my false smile today, while inside I am screaming out in anger at life, at myself, at everyone who can't give me the love I crave. I know I have no choice but to carry on. I just feel like running. Went to the gym yesterday and while cycling, I imagined driving further and futher from my life. I felt relieved at first and then I just wanted to cry at the thought that I have to imagine running away to feel good about life. Was considering staying home and pretending to have the flu that is going around just so I can hide in my bed for a few days but know this won't solve anything. I know all the advice already. I just needed to vent to people who won't judge me or hate me for saying what I feel.
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