well, I've not been around, because I've been sliding.....downhill. I just keep getting more things thrown at me to the point of being overwhelmingly overwhelmed. My son has sold his house and he and his wife and my grandbaby are moving in, in the the next 45 days....here. My boss at work got a promotion and life is hell there. My psych and my therapist think more FMLA. I have a more expletive expression I'd like to use but will refrain in this format. My therapist works there and he confirms that it is n't my projecting but things are rough right now. I'm hoping they will cut the program I am on (though the consumers participating in the program need it). BUT, they would probably lay me off. I have been thinking about suicide and I haven't had those thoughts in years (I spoke with my therapist and psychiatrist about this.) I was just sitting there thinking about this list of crap going on in my life and this little thought came creeping in and I was like talking to myself - "where the h*** did that come from?" It makes me mad.
I haven't worked but one whole day this week. I didn't take my own advice to someone about the sleeping....I've seemed to crawled back in ther emyself. My friends did understand and that has been a blessing and a reassurance that I needed. My son is being supportive and actually called Sunday night and said he's seen me going down, could he do anything, go the the psychiatrist with me, therapist with me, or if they have any suggestions....what an awesome kid (30 years old). But it is depressing to think that he's "taking care of mom".
Neither my therapist nor my shrink think I need to quit work, but maybe find another....geez, that doesn't even sound good. Though I have an opportunity for a low stress job (I thought this one was).
I could go on and on with a page of issues with which I am facing....these are just a few....I'm not meeting my obligation with grandmother, my bills, my dad's bills. The limbs from the recent ice storm damage (horrendous) at dad's house is not been touched, my brother won't get his butt in gear to get things done and I need it done (as someone indicated below). My house and the boxes, the furniture moved, the stuff that has to be sold, the renovations the kids want to make, etc. I had a whole notebook page full of topics when I saw my therapist today.....geez, we just hit the high points
What I really want to do is buy an RV and travel around the country. I guess I'm just chicken to do that! I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. But who I am today, doesn't like who I am today. I still am me, but don't feel like I can find me right now. If you see me, please return to me.
I could go on with my pity party but will stop here. I appreciate your listening and feedback and when I find me, I'll be back in full force.
