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depressingly depressed

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Thanks! I keep thinking, I'm depressed because I'm getting a sinus infection, it must be that time of the month, it is just because, and I think that it'll make it easier to shake it off this time. Is that a negative core belief (the it's just because). I think it's looking for an excuse, maybe minimizing?

I've gotten some sleep, I've been in the bed for almost three days. Of course, I do get up to eat - geez, wouldn't want to miss that now would I?

I finally made myself get up to get on here and fix another container of tea. I'm tired of being tired. But the ostrich is putting her head back in the sand......

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Goofy!

What is number one in all this ?

Look at the buffet and remember you have a bread plate in your hands not a serving tray.

priorities, then we can go for seconds.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Goofy,

Wow, it sounds like you are going through a lot right now. However, I think your main focus should be on finding you.

Take some time for yourself. Take some time to breathe...and take your own advice....and get some sleep!

It is great that your son called you, and that he is being supportive. You shouldn't feel depressed...you should feel proud that you have raised such a wonderful person.

Hang in there goofy, and remember we're always here for you.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

well, I've not been around, because I've been sliding.....downhill. I just keep getting more things thrown at me to the point of being overwhelmingly overwhelmed. My son has sold his house and he and his wife and my grandbaby are moving in, in the the next 45 days....here. My boss at work got a promotion and life is hell there. My psych and my therapist think more FMLA. I have a more expletive expression I'd like to use but will refrain in this format. My therapist works there and he confirms that it is n't my projecting but things are rough right now. I'm hoping they will cut the program I am on (though the consumers participating in the program need it). BUT, they would probably lay me off. I have been thinking about suicide and I haven't had those thoughts in years (I spoke with my therapist and psychiatrist about this.) I was just sitting there thinking about this list of crap going on in my life and this little thought came creeping in and I was like talking to myself - "where the h*** did that come from?" It makes me mad.

I haven't worked but one whole day this week. I didn't take my own advice to someone about the sleeping....I've seemed to crawled back in ther emyself. My friends did understand and that has been a blessing and a reassurance that I needed. My son is being supportive and actually called Sunday night and said he's seen me going down, could he do anything, go the the psychiatrist with me, therapist with me, or if they have any suggestions....what an awesome kid (30 years old). But it is depressing to think that he's "taking care of mom".

Neither my therapist nor my shrink think I need to quit work, but maybe find another....geez, that doesn't even sound good. Though I have an opportunity for a low stress job (I thought this one was).

I could go on and on with a page of issues with which I am facing....these are just a few....I'm not meeting my obligation with grandmother, my bills, my dad's bills. The limbs from the recent ice storm damage (horrendous) at dad's house is not been touched, my brother won't get his butt in gear to get things done and I need it done (as someone indicated below). My house and the boxes, the furniture moved, the stuff that has to be sold, the renovations the kids want to make, etc. I had a whole notebook page full of topics when I saw my therapist today.....geez, we just hit the high points

What I really want to do is buy an RV and travel around the country. I guess I'm just chicken to do that! I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. But who I am today, doesn't like who I am today. I still am me, but don't feel like I can find me right now. If you see me, please return to me.

I could go on with my pity party but will stop here. I appreciate your listening and feedback and when I find me, I'll be back in full force.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hiya Goofy,

Well after Sarah' s reply and WildCat's I have very little to add! But I did want to say you are in my thoughts. Hang in there, be kind and patient with yourself and let us know how you are. We are all here for you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

goofy.

does the process seem too long and is the reason you might think you are not coping well? You are in a process of grieving not a move. The boxes and the stuff area physical reminder of all that work that is being done inside; emotionally. And it is a mountain. So pat yourself on the back.

A boundary can be physical. I am swamped with all this work right now... My son and his friend are coming over but men and delicate women's things do not mix ... I have to watch the neanderthals. I will meat you all for coffee next week and we can catch-up on everything then...

A boundary can be emotional. I know (intellect) how you feel because I have had similar experience. But each of us needs to follow our own learning experiences through this kind of situation. If you need me I will be happy to listen (not offer more).

Goofy, if you need to put a cast of your healing wounds I am sure that your friends will understand. You yourself have said they are good friends and bless your life ... so they will understand that right now you need to work though your grief and your pain. You need to reorganize a part of your life. You have to heal and you have to cope with an up coming stress.

take care of yourself, okay?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

goofy,

Although you may disagree, it really does seem like you are handling everything that is going on for you.

It seems like you have a really strong support system through all of this with your son and your close friends. It can be hard not to feel obligated to reciprocate their support but right now is the time to look after yourself and your feelings. In time you will be the one that is the strong support but right now you have to focus on your own well-being. I am sure your friends can appreciate this.

Even though your house may be crowded by boxes etc., you are on the right track by creating a game plan with your son and enlisting his help through all of this. Eventually you will get through everything but this is also a process you do not need to rush! Continue to focus on your own feelings and how you are processing everything. This can also be a time for self-reflection in your life.

Have you communicated to your friends your feelings of being overwhelmed? Even if that is too difficult, I am sure your friends will understand.

Members, any other advice for goofy? Have you been through a similar experience with your friends?

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Thanks, I just don't feel like I'm handling all very well. It only seems to get worse. I broke a lamp of mom's yesterday - the one thing I decided to get out of bed and do! I cried off and on all day long before and after the lamp. My son asked me to dinner and I wanted to go, but I hadn't been home all day in over 2 weeks. I just wanted to, well, I guess have a pity party, though I didn't really feel pity toward myself (I don't think). I really enjoyed the peace and quiet and doing NOTHING.

I got word that the boss at work is going to be gone so my duties at work are multiplied times 2. The other three friends are still having difficulties and a fourth friend (I am blessed to have so many good close friends I can lean on) has jumped into the mix too. With all the kind things they have done for me, I don't know how or where to draw that line. I feel obligated to reciprocate their support. Of course, I love them all.

We have everything sorted through except for the garage (tools) and I just need some help getting some things moved. I think my son is going to help me. He'll get one of his strong young friends to help too.

My house is driving me crazy, no couch, just boxes piled everywhere that came from mom and dad's and out of the china cabinet I had which is being replaced by hers, and various other comparable scenarios. I can't move in the living room, kitchen and den and can't figure out a game plan. My son came by yesterday and he and I are going to figure out something this week, in the meantime, I'm thankful I have a tv in the bedroom.

He happened to stop by when I was cleaning up the glass and crying after I broke mom's lamp. He said why are you crying it's just a lamp and you've got two. I said one day it won't be just a lamp to you. I don't think he understood they match and are antiques - I don't think he'd make a good interior decorator (lol). He got quiet and helped me clean up and then game me a big hug. That felt good. I still declined the invitation to dinner and he offered to help me with the house, but I'm so damn overwhelmed with such a mess, I just went back to bed after he left. I did read on my Session 5. I need to get moving to session 6.

Anyway, today doesn't seem to be starting out as bad. I don't feel like crying and I'm running the bath water (that's always a good sign). I haven't been to the "box" end of the house- yet. Unfortunately both outside doors are that way.

I am not so sure how one can be a friend and not reciprocate listening when their problems arise. How to get that boundary in there when I am just too overwhelmed to do my own stuff. They are so very good to me. Any suggestions?

Goofy

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

HEllo Goofy,

Wow, you really do have a lot on your plate, phew!

I hope you are taking some time to take care of yourself. You deserve it. I do agree with Rosie that you seem to be dealing with this really well considering everything. Hang in there and please let us know how you are! Be good to yourself!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Goofy,

Wow, you definitely sound really busy! Please remember to take some time out for yourself! It is important to set boundaries with friends so that they don't overwhelm you with additional problems. Also is important to let them know you value their friendship so that they don't feel pushed away or their issues devalued.

I hope the estate sorting will come to end sooner for you!

Hang in there!

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