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question about types of depression

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

cammy,

You have raised some very important points in your post.

You have also asked some very important questions. These are only questions you can answer. You know yourself better than anyone else and you can also provide the best insight into your own experiences.

What made you enjoy work before? What has changed that makes you view work differently now? Have you been able to speak to your employers at all about making accommodations for you at this time?

Please keep us posted on how the rest of your week goes.

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 80

Why cant I "snap" out of this depression? Why cant I work? I feel so "stupid, or lazy" because I cant even put in half a days work. I used to really enjoy what I'm doing, but now I cant even get to "square 1". Whats the connection between having encephalitis so many years ago, and my depression today?

I feel like Im drowning, grabbing at whatever floats by, struggling to stay afloat. I feel so alone, yet people around and no one heeds my screams for help. I feel that peace would come over me if I just let go. I just dont get it!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Cammy,

As Sarah has suggested, try writing down these thoughts in the Session Tools and Worksheets provided. We encourage you to do your homework as our research shows that the more homework you do, the better you’ll feel.

Let us know if you have any questions or require feedback. We are always here for support

You will get through this!

Karen, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 80

Your "siggy" picture reminds me of where I used to live. As a young teen boy I would ride my bike down to the beach and sit and watch the water, the waves, become one with nature. It was my escape from the cruelties of life. I get confused because I am angry with my parents for refusing to help me, ignoring my cries. I cried tears and I was still ignored. I felt alone, so desparately alone despite family, despite going to school.

How could I possibly feel so alone, so isolated, so abandoned in the midst of so many people? How can I be so angry at my parents now, yes there were many happy moments, christmas, birthdays, there was always enough food to eat, but there was no outward signs of love, affection, no pat on the back. I struggled so damn hard in school and no one paid me any attention. I was always so tired, if I didn't get 10 hrs sleep a night, disaster the next day. I was always humiliated in phys-ed class because the teachers kept "yelling" at me for being last. I couldn't push myself any faster. Not only was I out of breath, my side ached big time, my legs ached, my heart raced faster than I did!, and yet I was no "couch potato" either.

Why???

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

cammy,

Thankfully we now live in a time where it is acceptable to experience difficulties with whatever life throws at you. And luckily, there is also help available for you!

Have you started to work through the program yet? A number of sessions are designed to allow you to reflect on your past, your previous thoughts, and how these can differ from your current ones. A number of members have reported that they find the sessions helpful.

Continue to keep us updated on how you are doing.

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

amd today cammy ...

with the family you have feelings for?

and the business you have started and have plans for?

with the different options that are available to you in the here and now?

what are your feelings now?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 80

Ever since I have been told to "shut-up", I did, and started thinking about lots of things on my own, questioning the very facts of life, physics, just about anything, thinking and questioning about things teachers did not like. That got me into trouble in school! Teachers dont like questions that are not the "norm".

Outside of school, one of my "dreams" was related to aircraft. In my mind I designed complex systems one of them that the us airforce started testing up in Alaska. I think even today it is much a "top-secret" system, but from what I read, it was identical in nature to what I had come up with in my own head! Ha! except I did not have the millions to develop it, so I sit here in my little dungeon.

I problem solve on my own, as seeing that no one would help me, I had to do it on my own and back in the 70's there was no help available, and if you were so "lucky" to get help one would have been locked up especially in my case. If that had happened, I would have finished myself off quickly! I never thought about it that way though. I just tried to get through each day one day at a time without "killing" myself. I was 14, knew things were going wrong, didnt have a clue as to what to do, or who to talk to, didn't have a clue about anything. How I got through that year is nothing short of a miricle. I did however have to leave that school part way through yr10 because things were getting out of control fast. If I had not made that change and I made it all on my own-, I would not be alive today. In the back of my mind I knew I would end up killing myself.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Cammy.

You present depression like no one else on the site and it is a challenge! Now, I have enjoying our exchanges! I know that you see yourself negatively - otherwise you would not be depressed. But As the exercise for the weekend please accept that we do not see you as you see yourself - and do not judge how we see you! Accept. Period. You are part of the group, and we all are slowly getting use to your voice!

Your question that asks if depression caused by an inherited physiological "malformation" and depression that is a symptom of another illness is interesting and has had me chewing...

the first thing that comes to mind are specific illnesses - like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, that are almost always comormide... and second is the fact that there is a shopping list of symptomes but each person has a few of them and manifests each them a bit differently. hummm my cud needs more chewing...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Cammy,

I want to echo Goofy in saying there are no parasites here. We are glad to have you share with us.

As for the question of natural imbalance vs head injury, well I must admit, I am not sure what I think. What I really beleive in is looking at the present moment and seeing what one can do in the now. But it is an interesting question to ponder, thanks for bringing it up!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Cammy, First of all, there is no parasites on this website. We are glad you are here! I enjoy the stimulating questions and insight you provide in your posts and responses to others. I am glad that you share! It's okay to use this sight to help your self....that's what we are all doing. Please continue!

I think it is a vicious cycle we get caught up in trying to figure out which came first, so to speak (I did). I wanted to know what "caused" my depression, too. I was trucking along through life about 40 and bam, there it is! I was too depressed at first to care, but then I got to thinking why am I depressed. Well, it's a chemical imbalance. Now, a person has a traumatic brain injury, closed head injury or a disease - in my opinion, they all can caused a chemical imbalance - some that result in depression and others that result in some other issue (difficulty with speech, ambulation, etc.). If it's a chemical imbalance that effects neurotransmitters like dopamine then it can cause depression, stress can cause the onset of depression, etc. I do think there is successful treatment of depression irregardless of the cause of the "chemical imbalance". Treatment with medications, natural remedies, therapy, psychiatry, CBT, etc can all help control the depression and try to balance the chemicals.

That's my take in a nutshell. Anyone want to discuss, I'm open-minded!

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question about types of depression