Okay, the paperwork, the death certificates!
The stuff that gets pitched out, the stuff you keep, the stuff your parents and you kept, the stuff that made the memories that are treasured now that my parents are gone. My brother and I are meeting to go through that tomorrow.
My sister-in-law and I met to get rid of clothes last week, to clean things out (throw things away). You know almost everything in there meant something to me, though you can't keep an old bottle of iodine or something like that. It seems so silly to be sad to toss that kind of thing, but all the times you sat and momma helped make an ouchey feel better! No telling how old some of that stuff is (46 or less years old).
My brother and I meet to start deciding who wants what - geez, I want it all! I know he does too. I didn't want to let go of a medicine bottles, dad's favorite shirts, mom's clothes and none of them fit me. I remember where we went when they wore them last, what good times we had when they did. There are some not so good times too, like the suit dad wore to mom's funeral, how mom got mad at me about something and she had that on - but it's a memory and they all are so important now!
I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it!
I am worried about the things we both want too, how are we gonna settle that! I am not close to my brother, we saw things differently in our parents and we see things differently in our lives. I am more tolerant of individual differences than he is, but I love him and don't want to lose what little relationship I have with him. I don't want to cave in on somethings that are important to me either. It seems I'm between a rock and a hard spot and I wonder if he is with his callous and arrogant ways! I suggested an appraisor and then split it like that; he doesn't want to do it that way. There are things our parents told us that this one should get or that one, I know we'll both honor that! He just wants to go through and pick what we want. I asked him how we would deal with it if we both want something and he said, we'd figure that out. Hmmmm, I want answers, he wants to play games? I'm making too big a deal of this aren't I? I should just go tomorrow and see what happens.
Paperwork comes in the mail daily to deal with re: dad's estate. I am taking care of that....seems to be no break for the weary.
I am already dreading going back to work and I haven't even decided when I am going. I have slept most of the weekend or been on this computer. I'm not doing as good as I thought I was at one time. And all this other anxiety to boot. I am like my brother though, I want to go ahead and get it situated and be done with it, so I can get the anxiety out of the way. I don't know what his motivation is.
I know that there is 49 years worth of marriage and my brothers and my life in that home which is now just a house. I was born and raised there, never lived anywhere else until I was an adult. There is some consolation in my son going to buy the home, but that will be difficult too. I want him there though!
I'm rambling.....my anxiety increases.....I go to the doctor first thing in a.m. regarding the cyst in my ovary so that has me a bit anxious too, but it is a delay of the other......argh!
! You are in my thoughts and prayers. So are your family. I am so sorry to hear about your grief, your bereavement. I do beleive in what yuo are saying about keeping busy. An idle mind well has just too much time to think. But don't forget to take time to reflect and to feel what you have to feel. It takes time to grieve, so give yourself that time. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to cry. Take time to reflect and remember. It is an important step in the process. 
not feeling very positive, need a kick in the a** . i would kick my own a** today if i could. i'm no fun anyway, better off clinging to the ole comforter, at least until february! 
. hope you have a better time of it - you deserve it - you've been through alot! i admire your selflessness, your ability to forgive - thanks for that! 
