I HATE MY DAY!!! I have a good life but at the moment, I HATE EVERYTHING!!! Mostly I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!
Ok breathe...
I feel horrible today. I gained weight and I feel monstrous. But feeling bad makes me hungry. so either I eat a lot and then feel guilty or I feel hungry non-stop which makes me want to ram my head into a wall. I feel so icky and awful. I also think I have lost some hair and am starting to get a receding hairline, knock on wood I hope I don't. I am a woman, I can't lose my hair! I feel tired and fat and ugly and moronic and unworthy. Oh and to add to the joy of it all, I am hormonal!
I went out with my mom. I thought it would make me feel better. It did not. I went to the mall. I tried on some clothes. All of it was extra large and TOO SMALL!!! On top of it most of the time we were there, my mom kept looking at her watch and hinting she was short on time! She is the one who invited me! I felt in the way, completely. I thought she wanted time with me but once I was there I felt like chopped liver, like I was in the way! So I just gave up and started heading home so she could go home. I tried to tell her how I felt but then she looked so guilty I tried to downplay it. But I feel so awful right now. I just want to hide under my blankets and cry and not come out again.
On top of it, I forgot to buy what I needed to complete supper.
Oh and I have a big party coming up in June with tons of people. I was asked to sing in front of everyone on top of it. And I am fat and I have nothing to wear.
If I could I would hide till July and be done with it.
Anyway, will go crawl under the bed and hide and hope tomorrow is better. And I know, this too shall pass!