I put it here for a reason. I am better inside but I have to learn a whole new way of living! i have the CBT to do to put my feet on a new road now.
Some day will come when I will have symptomes again and I will have to recogise them again ... i will have to go through this H*** again to revise/change my Meds and deal with the situation.
Also, i have to learn about all the little thing of life now. I married my best and only friend. so what do I fill my life with? I do not want to cling to this one person for the rest of my days... I want to discover other ways of thinking and doing... i want to create and express and release some of these colours that are trapped in my head!!!
BUT HOW! how do you stick two coloured rocks together? how how how how...
It has been a month and a half that i have been on the new med.
I am feel like I have awaken from a bad trip to a house trashed by nasty guests.
I am finally in a position to heal all the hurts that came with the neglect from my childhood because I can put that distance between me and the past. I can listen to all those words and see that they came from confused and ill parents who had no clue what they were doing.
i can learn what it means to have friends, to be a friend... to be worthy of friendship! I can learn to allow people into my life and trust that they will exchange with me on equal footing. I can learn what most of us learn socially as young adults ... but I was isolated and alone.
I have to learn alot about myself now. How it is like to me be when I am well! What is a Bad-day and a Good-day versus the hypo-manic and depressive days. What makes the normal changes in the days go to the extremes and how to push out of those problem areas. i know that the meds will keep me away from the deep end of the river ... but life is full of currents!
how do all the boring normals do it? just go day to day with one thought and no sparks and twinkling lights going off...
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