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I think my husband is also depressed!

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I think my husband is also depressed!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi mom-3,

thanks for being understanding. I am in a bit of a slump these days and putting two words together that make sence is difficult. I have the idea clear as the sun in july in my head but getting out is the problem. I only 5 finger type and need so much time that the ideas just flow past me like milk from a tipped glass, onto the talble and down to the floor.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Josie & Wildcat,

I did get some sleep but not really relaxed. I made myself lay back down this morning when I woke up because I knew I was only up because of anxiety. I don't know if my husband would go to counseling. I think that he feels that he has the upper hand in the situation and that he's not wrong about it. I very much feel like he's doing things as I would do in shut down mode and daring me to bring it up. He says he's not but I know that those things must have been taken personally by him when they weren't meant that way at all. I simply don't function well under great stress. I plan to keep going with my efforts, it's just that I am so anxious to see progress that I become depressed over even a small negative. Just trying doesn't seem to be enough sometimes.

Wildcat, I'm not sure what else you have yet to say, but I thought we were fairly good at communication at one time. I'm not sure about that anymore. It does seem to be the way you put it - He thinks I'm being redundant when he's not getting the point I'm trying to make because it comes from the emotional. I'm a fairly analytical person, but am also a woman so emotions and hormones come into play. Your point is well taken and deserves consideration, which I intend to give to it. I will also need to keep this point in mind when we talk so I can work on getting my point through to him without being sniffley in the process.

Thanks again

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi mom-3.

have you thought that you and your husband are not communicating inthe same "language"? I had to teach my chouette women-talk over the years so that I would not rip his throat out of his neck!!!

In GENERAL men are taught to be problem solvers, analytical. So when you say I am miserable I am in pain he computes and BLING out comes the Solution. End of that. Women are taught to be social. When we communicate that is all the social binding that come into play ... The woman listening lets you Vent and allows you to feel part of a group through shared experience and sympathy. You are encouraged by sound and body language to release the stress and work your way through the question... SSSSso if you sound repetitive to you husband it is a "cross" of the styles ... He sees your problem has provided a or several solutions and is redy to move beyound this one question. You might need to work out the problem, what is the real issue? how am I action in the face of this antagonis? He has solved your delema and you want to work it out together and plan for any possibilitie,..._

good nite ill go on in the am... new meds putting me to bed.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

mom,

Stay strong and keep at it. Have you thought about counseling? Perhaps a therapist can help you both explore the different areas that you need assistance with and an outside view can help assess the situation better for you both. Get some rest and relax yourself before bed, it will help your body and mind ease into sleep.

Josie, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva & Josie,

Thanks for the replies. I'm having a horrible day and am just so confused with what's happening. My husband does exhibit signs of depression and today we had a discussion about how things are going. Everytime I say something he says I'm critical and do the same thing I'm complaining about. I told him that all I've been trying to do is make things better but when it doesn't seem like he is I get very upset and then negative thoughts begin and I get worse and worse until when I do say something it doesn't come out very well, but I am trying. He doesn't seem to be trying and he says he is. He says that I don't think holding grudges against each other and bringing things up constantly is productive. I told him that I feel like he's doing these things as payback for what he has perceived as slights by me. He says he's not and he just wants me to be myself. He could not give me any idea how or what I could do to make things better. I'm very scared that he just doesn't care anymore or just doesn't want to deal with making our marriage better. I just don't know why he's being like this except the depression has him down and he can't deal. I've had major panic attacks all day and now a bad headache. I'm very tired and sad.

I know that depression is not contagious, I just know that he is a lot like me in some ways and while he doesn't have it as bad as I do, I think it's there all the same. I'm not planning on stopping my recovery efforts. I am aware of the depth of my depression and how serious it is. It takes all my strength some days just to keep my head above water. Anyway I've begun to drone on and I'm on a real downer right now so I'm going to stop here.

Thanks again

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Mom,

You have to take care of yourself first and progress. You can have him take the depression test on his own and discuss it with his doctor to further assess the situation. This is not your fault and depression is not contagious. Continue to challenge your negativity and continue to post with us.

Josie, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Mom of 3,

Man do I ever empathize with you. I am in a situation where I think my husband might be depressed yet I am not sure. If he is not then I am not sure what to do about what is wrong with our marriage and the way that his actions make me feel. If he is depressed I do not know what to do with it either! only thing I know is I veleive he loves me and I love him. But sometimes he drives me nuts! On top of it he is a "gamer" and I have run out of patience with it. Sometimes I just want him to grow up. I have dreams where I run over his computer with a car! But then I figure, if he is depressed, like some things seem to suggest then he deserves time to deal with it just as mch as I do. I just don't know anymore, what to think and atm am too exhausted to figure it out.

Anyway, all this to say I get where you are coming from and empathize with you completely. I figure it will get better though for both of us. I am hopeful : ) Hang in there and so will I : ).

-Diva

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I'm beginning to think that the things I'm seeing in my husband is depression driven and not exactly there to test me. I've noticed alot of negativity lately directed at others, not just me.

This is hard for me because I think of him as strong and having answers, perhaps that's alot to expect out of him. My question is how do I, depressed as I am, help him? Is modeling challenging my negativity enough? I just really don't know.

Sometimes I think he doesn't want anything to do with us but then he doesn't always act that way either. Sometimes he's his loving self and I see what I'm used to. I think I'm even more scared of this scenario than that he's angry with me!

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I think my husband is also depressed!