hi exhausted,
I have gad (generalized anxiety disorder) and Bipolar mood disorder... so when the energy rises it feeds the anxiety.
like now, My daughter has a motor tic that is very noticable. she has had it since she was 15 months (now 5 yrs) and it causes her to loose her balance
not good on stairs, bikes and running in the playground. She has done the eeg and MIR and is not epileptic... what is ? lord knows.
So we are WAITING to see more specialists Before she goes to school in september and the others think she is possessed by the devil!
she has an explosif temper and the educators often need help to calm her down at daycare! - so the dr thinks touretts - but her language skills
are above her age! so we are still at !?!?
My son is about to fail his fourth grade. at the beginning of the school year I asked the school psychologist to evaluate him... he has had trouble since 1st
grade in language. so she said wait, wait, wait, he is not a problem student (calm, sweet, motivated, and easy to ignore at the back of the class).
I insisted and in oct goot him tested with results of the tests given back in FEB!!! so now it is rush, rush, rush Medicate this boy asap!
I worry about them both, what do each of them have... same things on a spectrum. Differents things... will I have to search for special help to get them going...
will they lose interest and abandon school, sports and go straight into trouble! Have I gven them my father's and my illness- bipolar disorder?
I would hate to medicate them but will it end up as my only solutions? Why is the school now in a panic! and not the past 4 years? what are they going to lose?
what are they afraid of having to provide in the way of support and services? and wait till my Tiamat (dragon of choas and creatuivity) gets to school! if at 3
she was mad enough to trow a chair at an educator, at school what will she do!?!!
I worry that they will fall victim to the hidden monsters in our city; pedophiles, unstable, and disturbed idiots. I am afraid of them getting hurt and of being taken.
I worry of illnesses and other children. I worry.
then there are the million and one possibilities that surround me. What if one of the landing planes, crashes into my building? And what if I am caught is a crash on the expressway with all those
dangerous materials in traffic? And If a crazy has grudge against the cie and comes to shoot us all? and what if I am not bipo but crazy... and if
i lose control of a mood and go manic or deeply depressed? and the catastropies that can hurt my husband...
Most of the time I cut these thoughts off! I know they are my own creations and have no basis in reality. It only serves to raise my anxiety ... but some days it is
hard to control it all (like last night; now that we short staffed at the office!) i know that I need to focus on the here and now but i was taught to worry about the
what ifs so I have a lot of bad thinking habits to reverse.
I also worry about my happy mask. Will it hold today? what will I have to fight in my mind today? Will I have enough strenght to make it through another day?
will I be okay? What everything just turn out good? will one on the catastropies that I dread come true today? will my loved ones make it through today?
What will my children become? especially with me as their mom? What genetic he
