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Intimacy


16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know, SmFry, if what you want is intimacy from your husband maybe you could tell him that you just want to be held and kissed sometimes? Maybe he needs some information on how to be a 'quiet' and gentle lover and one who pays a lot more attention to what gives you pleasure than his own 'bull in a china shop' wants&needs programme?? Maybe you could just plain tell him what makes you feel good and tell him what it is he does that irritates you and turns you off having sex with him... I know from my own early experience that when I was young (19) and first married I was an unmitigated selfish twit in bed. I didn't know that great pleasure for both partners arose from affectionate stimulation and not from frenzied self-satisfying behaviour ...
16 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I agree I should talk to him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm a list maker, and I have put on the list of things to do for tomorrow is make a doctor's apt. I tend to put off doc visits over and over again. I'm hoping if it is on "the list" that I will do it. My outbursts come out of nowhere and they just fly out of my mouth, I don't even know what I've done until the damage is done, and I have to clean up. I don't know how to tell when I am going to do it or why. But I only do it around him. When I lived at home I would have very similar outbursts towards my parents and sister. I feel like I am someone else I don't even know where the words come from. I'm sure there is some psychological reason why I only direct these towards my loved ones. I really regret it and feel very sorry for it. I will talk to the doctor about this. Thanks for your input and help.
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hi smfry. you have some good ideas here. You are looking at what you want pleasure, fun, and a certain "joi de vivre" and being depressed is the problem - not you. (one of the thinking errors is to be an illness, not to have an illness. Hi I am Depressive. Hi I am Diabetic. VS Hi I have bipolar disorder). Your therapist might have some ideas about curbing your hurtful outbursts and chanel that energy into communication.
16 years ago 0 1288 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
SmFry, It's very important to talk to your partner about what you're going through. Communication is key. You can try speaking with other doctors with more specialisation go get other recommendations and suggestions. Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator
16 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
My husbands difficulty is that he wants more. I know this can be a typical male attribute, but as his wife I feel like I should be fulfilling his needs. Our marriage is very young, only 1.5 years and no children. To answer the question "what do I want?" I ultimately want to be happy, as for intimacy I want to have sex, I just feel like I'm not interested or motivated. Or some days I get these thoughts/feelings that sex is disgusting and gross. I don't know where these thoughts come from, I don't believe them. I suppose I need a sex therapist to help me figure out that one. I suppose my depression in general causes friction. Sometimes I'm too tired to cook dinner/clean the house. I'm often unmotivated to get off the couch and I think that bothers him. He loves me and wants to be supportive but my irrational outbursts often attack him and I know that hurts him. I'm sure there are more, I don't even know where to start with helping fix this. I am going to bring him to my next doctors visit, in hopes she can explain to him why I'm so crazy. And maybe we can go to couples therapy, I don't think our marriage is falling apart or anything, but I think that if we went to therapy together it could help.
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hi smFry. Have you asked your significant other what difficulties (s)he is experiencing with the situation? My husband and I have been together since 1989. So we burnt up that phase of flame-bright desire a long time ago... no more late nights and a quickie in the morning.... We have two children who are extremely affectionate (5 yrs and 10 yrs) so if we get to sit side by side Sunday night for the news this is ultimate intimacy FOR US. We have discussed the real lack of sex (once a month and even once in two months). And neither of us blames the other for this situation. We know and agreed that it would be part of our relationship for this phase. The next will bring changes... also, I have been having body-image issues for some time now and find undressing difficult. I am 5'3" and weigh 265 lbs thanks to my pervious bad habits and now with the carb/sugar Bipo cravings. My husband knows that I feel like a beached whale and reminds me that it was my heart that he fell in love with ... So SmFry. What do you want? Is this one issue a major cause of friction or are other problems making this one worse? Do you have the energy to go through another med change and all that will require of you?
16 years ago 0 8 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So I have a problem with intimacy. I've been on SSRI's since before I was seriously intimate with someone, so I'm not sure what or if my sex drive may be. I know for a fact that I do not have one now. This has been very hard on my marriage. I want to be intimate, I'm in love and attracted just have a lack of interest. Sure every time I go on an SSRI my doc asks me about my sex drive and I tell them it does not exist, and they don't have anything to suggest. So I asked to switch to Welbutrin since according to the specs it is supposed to have less of this side effect. How have others dealt with this issue? Should I make intimacy one of my treatment goals? Any suggestions? Thanks.

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