Yes my son is 14 and I have a 5 year old son as well. I also have a daughter that will be 21 soon. She is married and starting a family of her own. She has entered into a marriage that isn't good and is making a lot of the mistakes I made in the past. I have a hard time letting her go and allowing her to make her own mistakes. The more I talk the more distant she becomes so now I just sit back and am an ear when she calls. I love her and she knows that. Other than that it is out of my hands. It has taken me a long time to get to this point with her. My 14 year old is so different from his independent sister. He lies and continues to do so. I can't believe a word he says. The more I think about it the worse I feel. I do blame myself but at the same time I know these are the rough years. I don't trust myself to guide him through them properly. I thought I was doing right with my daughter by showing her you don't have to stay in abusive situations and that you are you can raise kids on your own. And she is exactly where I was living the life I have lived. I feel I failed her and perhaps I'm miserably afraid of failing my son as well. I know I'm rambling but I'm tring to work it all out in my mind becuase I don't know what to do or what I'm doing wrong of if I'm even doing anything wrong.

Try reading and following The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Because I am not religious, it doesn't do a much for me but it is a worthwhile book and I think it might help you. As for your son, I don't know how anyone raises 2 boys as a single parent. He's 14, right? A rough age to cope with. Even worse when you are depressed. He is at an age where he will have no sympathy for tears and depression and may instead use them to his advantage. Not because he is a bad kid, just because he is a kid. I always found lying the hardest to take. Try to get through to him that you will support him in trouble but he has to be honest with you. These are hard years coming up for him and for you. My younger son was 21 before I finally stopped feeling like it was my fault every time he screwed up. Good luck. Keep talking, even about kids. Many of us have been there.

I've been doing well... I've been fighting hard and yesterday I lost. Someone said something and I fought really hard not to go down that spiral but I didn't make it. For whatever it is worth I only went down about 1/2 way but isn't that like smoking 1/2 a cigarette? I left work and went home to bed. I slept for almost 2 hours and then got up and went through my evening routine with the kids. I was feeling ok by the time I went to bed last night. Perhaps I was just tired. I went to get my clothes this morning and saw that my son hadn't changed the laundry out like he told me he had. He continues to lie to me constantly. I can't trust him and what happened a couple of weeks ago is a direct result of him. I don't know what to do. As I looked around this morning I saw several issues of his lack of doing as he is told. I had a conversation with him the other day that the chores are not a punishment they are a lesson. If you can't be trusted with the little things, how can you be trusted with big things? There is a lesson and you are failing by not following through. It's about self control and doing things you don't want to do. I also told him I've had to do this many times. It makes no difference. He has betrayed all trust and isn't the young man I thought he was at all. He has broken my heart worse than anyone ever has in my life. This is my son. A mom isn't suppose to have favorites but if I had one it would have been him. He shattered my world a couple of weeks ago with what he has been doing and that is what almost sent me back to smoking. I'm sharing it here because I don't know where to turn. I picked up my bible this morning when I was frustrated and the passage I came across was in Proverbs from the Message (not the bible). It said a family stays together no matter what. So here I am in a new day. Distraught and trying to pick up the pieces and put it all back together again. Trying to stay positive and count my blessings. Praying for my child, praying for strength and understanding, praying and trusting that God can fix this because I know I can't. I don't know where to turn. I know a lot of you don't believe in God and have a hard time with that concept but that doesn't mean you don't have something you may be able to offer here. I do believe in God but I'm lost right now. This isn't easy and it is destroying me inside. Constant turmoil.