Lady:
So glad to hear that today is a better day. I hope you can see that meds are not a crutch because we are weak - they are a necessary treatment for our chemically unbalanced brains. Why should we feel guilty taking medication that we need to be healthy?
The meds are back in their correct dosage and I feel much more in control today. I hate days like yesterday. Absolutely hate them. I often think of smoking again just to bury all those emotions deep inside where they use to reside. Dealing with the depression and the anxiety are the only thing I don't like about quitting smoking but I suppose I am a better person for it.
I will keep taking one day at a time.
I've had numerous panic attacks. This isn't a panic attack. This is depression. I've been dealing with it a long time now. I cut my medicine to 1/2 yesterday. Obviously not a good idea. I just came from talking with the pharmacist to make sure there isn't an interaction issue. The sleep thing is a side affect of the new meds. The anxiety of being late and everything probably has to do with a disruption in my routine which I didn't adjust to well.
I'm in a new place, with a new job, all alone and still adjusting. I took a Klonipin and am feeling better now. I will not cut down on my meds again until I am more settled.
Lady,
Have you ever had a panic attack? Obviously, beginning these medications has been quite stressful on you. Perhaps it's manifesting itself through anxious symptoms?
Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist
I had a really bad night and bad morning. I don't know what is happening but I am having a really hard time getting up. I thought it was lack of sleep and being exhausted but now I'm wondering if it may be a side affect of the new medication (for my arm not depression). I apparently fought like crazy in my sleep last night. I woke up this morning to find stuff thrown all over my room. I remember having some very vivid dreams but can't remember them now.
I had to rush to get my son to the bus on time for school and sent him off with his brother. That is when I lost it. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and went to find something to wear. I found myself standing in my closet crying and losing track of reality. It's insane. I couldn't even pick out anything to wear and my arm was tingling away.
These are things that I can't share with anyone else because they would think I'm stone crazy. For some reason I think I can share them with you.
I'm a crazy woman on drugs. I don't like that. I don't know what is going on with me but it scares the hell out of me. I don't want your lecture on how meds have to build in your system and how you have to keep the dosage right because I already know that. I don't know what I want. I'm scared and I don't know of what.
Ok, there it all is. The insane thoughts of a crazy woman all typed out and shared. You could write a book huh? These are the voyages of a crazy woman's mind.......
Lady - we are here for you. Stay strong. Things will get better -the tears will stop. Sometimes when things are really bad for me I find I spend a lot of time and energy assuming things will get worse, and wondering how bad they will get before I can't take it anymore. What I have learned is that if I give myself permission to be depressed and find some space to sit quietly and breathe I can talk myself out of the downward spiral. I have been through this before - even if things do get worse, I know in time they will get better. And this too shall pass...
Keep breathing and know that we are here for you.
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