I see this may be an older thread, but what the hell, I am in a similar position myself. I have worked in child welfare for a while now, and felt the pain and sadness of all my "kids" who are growing up in foster care. I moved into adoptions, where the biological families rights were completely terminated by the courts, which was a situation I was never comfortable with, but at other times knew there was a necessity for the actions. I finally made the decision to adopt one of "my kids", a beautiful 5 year old with spina bifida, I researched, learned about what to expect, and the adoption fell through with my spiraling into my current depressive state. I feel so devestated, I have worked with him since he was a year old, and because I became his "prospective adoptive parent" once things changed, I couldn't even say goodbye. I had planned on being a single mom at 42.
I have no signifigant other, having finally ended a temptestious relationship with a man I truly loved that was on and off for over 10 years, and who had been a friend for 9 years prior to that. I have met someone going through loss of a relationship/marriage of about the same time duration, but we are both in places where we have to work through our respective pain and challenges first. This new friend has been such a great support in the last few months, but I don't expect to have anything with him, and should that occur, it will be some time off.
I am also dealing with gynecological issues as well, and would have a difficult high risk pregnancy if that were to happen, plus would nhave to nbe off meds.
I dread the prospect of living alone like this for the rest of my life, I have never been good at socialzing and small talk, and I really fear not having a life companion or husband and children.
